How much is a Billion? (humor)

[Erie Drifter]

Enlightening

The next time you hear a politician use the words "billion"casually,
think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising
agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its
releases:

A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate
Washington spends it.

The Democrats are complaining on how long the war is taking but
consider this:

It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the
Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

It took less time to find Saddam's sons in Iraq than it took Hillary
Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to
destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick

It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in
Florida!!!!!!

#### our military is GREAT !

This will give you a chuckle:

God bless our fighting men and women and their wonderful sense of humor.

Have you heard what the troops are calling the Sikorsky Blackhawk
helicopter Hillary Clinton used on her Iraq tour?

"Broomstick One"

Bill W. (BFN)

[perchjerker]

So I am a billion seconds old??

thanks you made my day LOL

wheres my rocking chair...

[SUPERTROLLER]

I thought you were older than that. LOL.

[Matches]

On the same order of humor, I think Jay Leno mentioned this last night.
If you were standing still, and if everyone in China would line up in a single file and walk past you, the line would never end because of the reproduction rate.

[The Democrat]

Did somebody say "Democrat"? That's me! :7 Since we're doing political posts again, here's mine: :7 :7 :7

To run up a deficit of $527 billion, President Bush would have had to borrow $1 per second starting in 14,707 B.C.!

To run up a deficit of $527 billion, President Bush would have had to borrow $1 per minute starting over 1 million years ago!

To run up a deficit of $527 billion, President Bush would have had to borrow $1 per hour starting almost 722 million years ago!

527 billion $1 bills laid end to end around the equator would circle Planet Earth more than 2,000 times. That's how much debt President Bush's budget imposed on America's taxpayers in this fiscal year.

Janet Reno gave the Branch Davidians 51 days to surrender, but those criminals decided to kill FBI agents and commit suicide instead.

The earth should fall into the sun before any lawyer can be required to divulge billing records, which are protected by attorney-client privilege.

For all we know the Medina Republican Guard is alive and well and killing American troops on a daily basis, because their bodies were not found on the battlefield, indicating they made good their escape.

Don't see how anyone can say it "took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!!!"

#### our military is GREAT ! But the politicians telling them what to do ... YUKKK!!! x( x( x(

[The Democrat]

Oops, left an unfinished sentence, it's supposed to say, "since Iraq isn't taken yet!!!!!"

[The Democrat]

Betcha this thread gets whacked by Friday. :+

[Driftr]

Ask Martha Stewart, she can tell you acuratly how much a billion is! :-)

Driftr

[Terroreyes]

You mean...... "was" :)

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[Terroreyes]

Don't have time to do the math, but I'll bet that every American who lost their job since 2000 could stretch hand in hand around the globe. Maybe more than once!???
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[Walleye_Slayer]

i forgot democrat you are the greatest and know everything that is great for our country go smoke a monica it straightened clintons head maybe it will yours. Unless your head is so big then we will call you ALI

[karpbuster]

The US military is an awesome force and that was a funny post. Everything one person says can be twisted around and be made the opposite. There is so much that is hard to understand these days, I trust in God and pray for understanding. I am over a billion seconds old, so you better listen to me! LOL :)

Thanks for the funny stuff,

Karpbuster

[NAM VET]

OUR MILITARY IS GREAT BUT AS OF FEB 5 2004 WE HAVE LOST 530 KIA AND 2578 WOUNDED IN ACTION. NOT A BILLION BUT WAY TOO MANY SONS AND DAUGHTERS. IF BUSH WOULD HAVE GONE TO NAM IN 68 MAYBE WE WOULD NOT BE IN IRAQ TODAY.

[The Democrat]

I can always count on you right-wingers to lace your responses to political posts with personal insults. That's your corporate style.

I have news for you. Wimpy liberals are a thing of the past. This election season will mark the emergence of the most pugnacious Democrats you've ever seen.

Republican cheap shots won't be cheap anymore. This time around, they will be repaid with interest.

[SUPERTROLLER]

I can't believe it's still here, on Wednesday night. It's lasted more than 7 hrs. since I first saw it and I figured it would be gone by dinner time! There is no way it will be tommorrow at this time. As you said in your first posting, blatant political post.

[The Democrat]

Depends on whether you're counting people who lost their jobs (including those who have been rehired) or the net loss of jobs in the economy.

I don't know what the first number is, and didn't find it with a quickie internet search. The second number is approximately 2.2 million, so I'll use that one.

If you figure the average adult's armspan is 6 feet, 2.2 million x 6 = 13.2 million feet / 5,280 = 2,500 miles or roughly 1/10th of the way around the planet.

Not even close to the 2,000 times Bush's deficit in $1 billion would circle the planet. Man, that's a LOT of debt ... whew ... but that's still a LOT of unemployment.

But then, Republicans have always underperformed Democrats when it comes to job creation. Just look at the historical record:

Jobs Records of Post World War I Presidents
(New jobs created as percentage of workforce, best to worst)

Democrat Roosevelt 5.3%
Democrat Johnson 3.8%
Democrat Carter 3.1%
Democrat Truman 2.5%
Democrat Clinton 2.4%
Democrat Kennedy 2.3%
Republican Nixon 2.2%
Republican Reagan 2.1%
Republican Coolidge 1.1%
Republican Ford 1.1%
Republican Eisenhower 0.9%
Republican Bush Sr. 0.6%
Republican Bush Jr. (0.7%)
Republican Hoover (9.0%)

Source of data: James Carville, "Had Enough?" (Simon & Schuster, New York, 2003), p. 87.

[The Democrat]

I support truth in advertising. For example, I don't disguise crude political attacks with subject lines like "How much is a billion (humor)?" With me, what you see is pretty much what you get.

[The Democrat]

For the record, I didn't think the references to Hillary, Janet Reno, or Teddy Kennedy were at all funny, they were gutter bashing of the worst sort. I also think using the U.S. military (you're right, it's the greatest military on earth, and I'm proud to have served in it) to further such crude partisan attacks is contemptible.

[The Democrat]

Bad war, great soldiers. If a 'Nam vet told me he's going to H*** and asked me to walk flank for him, I'd consider it an honor.

[Limiterr]

As a Canadian I watch your troops with awe. May God keep them safe.

[Terroreyes]

Definitely the first number. Net is really decieving. I was laid off in December of 2001, BUT have been rehired several times on a part time or full time temporary basis. Still not making the money I used to, not even close. Still can't get employer contributed healthcare, seems like a thing of the past now. BUT I've contributed all those "new hires" to the economy. Not much benefit to me, of course. Could be worse though! :)
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[The Democrat]

Thank you.

P.S., You can be my friend even if your country doesn't support our war. Anybody who wants to be my friend is welcome to be my friend, and there is no ideological test.

[GR8WTHUNTER]

Dem, you are right that there was a political slant and bash to the left. I got a chuckle out of it but also figured it would turn into a shouting match and get dusted. One thing we all need to remember is that all birds need both a right and a left wing to fly straight. We have to remember that the biggest bulk of our bird is the body in the middle.

[The Democrat]

You are so very right. Politics has gotten incredibly mean-spirited, and my side isn't responsible for that. Oh for the good old days when making fun of politicians was good clean sport and we could do business by building highways in each other's districts. Some of those pork-barrel roads went to fishing holes ...

[Dan Devils eyes]

Before It Get's booted I got 2 cents, The cost in money now In Iraq can not compare to cost in lives that would be lost in future, It's not just about Iraq, It's about Bringing that Belief in radicals in that part of wolrd into the 21st century, All non muslims, (Jews and Christians), Do not need to die ! And they don't get 72 virgins for blowing themselves and innocent people up ! Time will show Bush & Blair Did the right thing, We here in the US & UK, Will not end up like Israel Buses ! Some things are worth fighting and even dieing for !

[Independent]

Perhaps you didn't hear Kerry Whispering insults last night? It's everyone's fault!

[Marble Eyes]

You are so very right. Politics has gotten incredibly mean-spirited, and my side isn't responsible for that.

---------------------------

Now who is being dishonest here? One person I will use as a prime example of mean spirited on the left. Ted Kennedy basicly called Bush a traitor, and stated that the Iraq war was something conjured up in Texas. Funny thing about Ole Ted and Ketchup boy, they both APPROVED of Clinton bombing Iraq and planning another attack. Kerry is even on record Stating we have every right to go in without UN approval. But that was then, this is now.

Come on take off the blinders that Murdering old Drunk Kennedy has been a hatchet man for the Left for years. His and his merry band of character assasins have had a field day smearing ANY Judicial Nominee that doesn't carry the Left's water.

The Unfortunate part is it appears that according to some leaked internal memos it was at the REQUEST of outside organizations.

So you sit back a Play the Kerry Whine music that everyone is mean and picking on him for HIS RECORD while he is out doing the very things he accuses others of. It appears that it works on some "less Informed" folks.

[Ryno]

Our military took a lot less time to solve the problem, than it took Saddam and Bin Laden to PREMEDITATE THE MURDERS AT THE TWIN TOWERS!
Ryno

[The Democrat]

Considering how many right-wingers have made a career of lying about Democrats and calling us every slur from "commie" to "unpatriotic," it's surprising Kerry was so gentle, because they deserve much more in payback than the trifle Kerry dished out last night. And if what's going on with the Iraq contracts isn't "crooked" then I don't know what is.

[The Democrat]

How many lives have to be lost before some understand that it's impossible to change other people's thinking or behavior by sticking a gun in their face? If they attack us, we have to fight them. If they attack Israelis, let Israel fight them.

[walleyefishboy]

Dear fellow WC fishermen:

Since this has turned to a political debate, there no doubt will be name calling, insults and trash talking, which will most likely cause this post to be dusted soon. Before this happens I would like to submit a couple questions.

First of all, let me say I find many of the "Democratic" posts to be well thought out and quite insightful (not inciteful). Secondly let me say that I am a staunch Republican.

I respect your right to believe the way you do, so please respect mine.

My observation of the Democrats so far during this political season seems to be a tremendous amount of cricizing, however I have yet to hear of any solutions. So my first question would be..."What precisely has Mr. Kerry suggested he would have done differently, than the present Bush Administration over the past three and one half years, that would have made this economy perform better than it currently is? I ask this because I don't find a 5 1/2% unemployment rate to be high, compared to previous years and previous administrations, both Democratic & Republican.

It is one thing to expound upon the need to get our country's work force back to work, but I have yet to hear any rational solutions. Where are these supposed "jobs" going to come from? We all need to show a little common sense. It is very difficult for me to understand why Mr. Kerry has the answer (unless he plans on waiving a magic wand and creating these jobs) and absolutely noone else in this country has the answer how this will be accomplished.

My second question deals with the criticism of the Bush administration regarding the handling of the War in Iraq. Once again I hear nothing but criticism coming from the Democrats regarding how this whole mess has been handled. So my question is precisely how would Mr. Kerry have handled this differently? I would like to think that 10 years and 17 resolutions by the United Nations, which have resulted in accomplishing nothing, would not still be the answer.

I think the one political statement that scares me the most about Mr. Kerry, came from his wife when she stated that Bush, Chaney & Rumsfeld are the axis of evil. The fact that these three men would be compared to a Bin-Laden, Hussein, Arafat & Milosovich I find to be most troubling, coming from the woman who wants to be the "first-lady" of our country.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I can't believe I'm airing my political views as it is. Normally I do that in the voting booth.

God Bless America and God Bless our troops. Duffy

[YamaLund]

Subject: The Ant & the Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
>
>The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
>
>Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed The grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
>
>MODERN VERSION:
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
>
>The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
>
>Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.
>
>CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.
>
>America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
>
>How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
>
>Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries
when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
>
>Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
>Tom Daschle / Al Gore exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the
ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
>
>Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act",
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to
hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay
his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
>
>Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
>
>The ant loses the case.
>
>The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a
drug related incident and the house,now abandoned, is taken over by a gang
of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

[Erie Drifter]

It was indended as humor Demobrat, you turned it into a political debate, much appreciated.

Bill W. (BFN)