06-01-2005, 09:06 AM
How old were you all when you got married? I'm 24 and believe I have met the women of my dreams, she's the same age. We've been together now for about two years. I'd like to pop the question this summer, but dont want to make any mistakes. The current divorce rate in this country is pretty spooky.
John in Mn
06-01-2005, 09:24 AM
Got hitched at age 24. Been 18 great years. Go fo it!
I was married at 20. My wife was 19. We dated over 3 years before getting married. Getting married in college was a little spooky and tight financially, but we survived.
10 years later (11 years next month) and 3 kids (5,3,&1 year olds) I am perfectly happy. Couldn't ask for a better family, although 3 kids that close in age has it's moments!! But that's for another topic!
06-01-2005, 09:28 AM
Ya just know when it is time...
I think I was 25 or 26. Best thing I ever did. My brother in law told me a story that my father told him- He told my father, "You just have to hope the good days outnumber the bad days"; to which my father replied, "There are no bad days, only days you have to work harder than others." This has held true in my marriage.
The divorce rate is a little skewed because of re-marriages, then divorces again. An example: If 10 couples get married, and 5 get divorced, the divorce rate is now 50%... if those 5 get remarried and 3 end up getting divorced again, the divorce rate is now 8 divorces out of 15 couples married, or 53%. Some people don't end up getting remarried at all, so this further skews the numbers. I think the national average is like 56-58% divorce rate.
The best time to go fishing is whenever you can...
06-01-2005, 09:58 AM
I was a young fella to be getting married... I was 23 and that was 14 fun filled years ago.
At your age, you can have a big... old fashioned wedding (if you are into that sort of thing). It seems like the older you get, the more likely people want to keep it small.
06-01-2005, 10:11 AM
are your parents still married? If so, is their marriage strong? Speaking from experience. Why the rush? Are you being pressured? You are entering a prime time for fun and freedom, why ruin it. Heck live together for a couple of years, but often times even after living with someone for while and then end getting married, for some reason everything changes once the ring is on your finger. Good changes, no...A power struggle evovles. Which parents to visit for which Holiday,etc, etc... The list goes on and on. Hang on for more years of your freedom, and if your girlfriend still loves you, then it's fate. If she leaves, who cares, you saved yourself a lot of misery. Good Luck, and have some fun.
06-01-2005, 10:20 AM
Got married when I was 23 and my wife was 22. We were dirt poor, I was still in school and she was a new school teacher making a whopping 19K a year. We struggled for a while but with help from my folks and hers we made it. 17 years later I am still 100% sure I made the right choice. These have been the best years of my life. By the way, we had known each other for less than a year when I asked her to marry me. Like stated previously, you know when it is right. If you have any doubts, don't do it.
I was 31, my wife was 29. We worked in the same office, and after I ignored her for a year, she took matters into her own hands and told me she was in love with me, and asked what I was going to do about it. I thought, well, she loves me, so why not? We're different in many ways, and had many misunderstandings and difficult times, but we're still together after 28 years and 1 grown child.
My parents met during the Depression when life was tough for nearly everyone. They got married a year before Pearl Harbor, when he was 28 and she was 25. Only very recently, after my mother's death when my sister opened a sealed box of her old letters, did I learn that my mother loved another man who jilted her. I suspect she didn't love my father when she married him on the bounce, but she eventually did, and they stayed together for 63 years through thick and thin.
It's not unusual for one partner to be more in love than the other. Happens all the time. But after a while a different kind of love takes over. A friend once told me, "Love is what you've been through together." Being loyal to each other, and trusting each other, is what makes it work. Eventually you become so much a part of each other's lives that you can't do without each other. The bonds of mutual dependence and mutual respect that grow over time are what give a marriage the strength to endure. This is the kind of love they're referring to when people say, "Love conquers all!"
06-01-2005, 10:29 AM
I got married at 24, to my College sweetheart. That was 24 years ago. Someone said it, you just know. One thing that is important I believe is what the bible calls being equally yoked. You have worked out all of the important things (ideals), finances, family and such.
Of course my brother says you have to like the same football team and fishing LOL, but that is not true for me and my wife. She is a Packer fan but does not appreciate fishing at all.
I think a church based pre-marriage class is very good, I went through that myself. It was my wife's idea, I thought it was unnecessary at the time, I was wrong. A long time of courting is very good, I see you have done that.
It is a big commitment, and one of the greatest most important. When you find the right one it will complete you, make your life so much better.
I wish you the very best,
06-01-2005, 10:41 AM
I WAS 19 SHE WAS 18
THAT WAS 29 YEARS AGO
06-01-2005, 11:14 AM
Wait till you are 30.
I was 36.
06-01-2005, 11:22 AM
The key is to be level headed and look at what marriage and a realtionship is. To many look at the wedding and the hoopla. Your priorities change and you realize that than you have a better chance. To many guys think they can still hang with their buddies and she will be there when he gets there, seen that nad it doesnt work. Sounds like you have a level head and are thinking things through, good luck
06-01-2005, 11:26 AM
We were both 19 when we were married 26 years ago.
Grandaughter 20 months old
Grandson (we think) is in the oven
06-01-2005, 11:38 AM
There is a food that ruins a womens sex drive...it's called wedding cake.:)
06-01-2005, 11:41 AM
Got married the day after my 23rd birthday.
Which makes it easy to remember ..............my birthday.
Both partners have to work at the marriage to make it work (everyday).
After 2 years you should know whether she's a keeper.
She must be...Go for it!
06-01-2005, 12:14 PM
My wife's grandfather summed up the secret to a successful marriage at her grandparents 50th wedding anniversary in the best way I have ever heard. When asked what the secret to being happily married for 50 years was he replied "Well, when we got married we aggreed that I would make all of the difficult decisions and she would make all of the easy decisions. We sure have been lucky that no difficult decisions have come up yet."
Fishing is: One jerk waiting for another jerk at the end of his line
06-01-2005, 12:28 PM
Looks like I am the old one in the group...33 years, married when I was 26..best advice I can give is.."when she is in a good mood, do things that will keep her in a good mood for a while, when she is in a bad mood, opportunities arise, go fishing, drinking, or whatever" just make sure that you don't keep her on a roller coaster as far as mood swings.
06-01-2005, 01:31 PM
Got married when I was 23 and had been living in sin for about 4 years before that.
This is not something that is very popular if you are a strict catholic or some other religions...but you don't really know someone until you have lived with them for a period of time. If you are a member of an organization that frowns on testing the waters before diving in, I would seek some serious counseling and try to have someone objective tell you if you have a shot at making it. If I recall from my catholic upbringing, they had people that would help you with this.
I had some great examples of what not to do in a marriage...
Don't get me wrong, my marriage isn't perfect, but my wife and I know how to work through the tough times and have learned to become tolerant of each others shortcomings. She is way more tolerant than I and that should tell you how many more shortcomings I have... LOL
06-01-2005, 01:51 PM
I think I'm feeling well enough now to respond (a few of the posts made me a little nausiated-lol). I was 21, she was 19 when we tied the knot. I haven't been able to get rid of her since ;-) Neither of us was ready, by any means, but we didn't know that at the timne. I guess we got lucky, because we're still happily married 19 years later. The first couple of years can be difficult, as others have mentioned, both emotionally and financially. The decision to get married isn't as serious as the decision to have children IMO. Divorce before kids affects very few lives. Gotta go-startin' to feel ill again ;-)
06-01-2005, 01:54 PM
I don't think age is the primary factor. I didn't get it right the first time, mainly because my ex and I wanted different things from life. I have now been married 11 years, and no offense to anyone else, but I have the perfect woman. Together we raised 4 girls, and that's had it's challenges, but now it's mostly just the two of us and we love it. I think it takes a number of things to have a successful marriage. Chemistry cannot be downplayed. That woman needs to know you think she is the hottest thing on two legs, and visa versa. Trust and acceptance are huge, as is communication and respect. Finally, you need some common hobbies and direction for your life together. Doesn't mean you have to do everything together, in fact, that may not be good, but if all you want to do is get in the woods or on the water with your buddies and she only wants to go to the country club, well brother, take it from me, that's a high risk marriage. My wife fishes with me regularly, we even do some tournaments together, and now she wants to buy a bigger boat. In return I take one vacation each year where she wants to go, and occaisionally, I stay home with her or we go do something she wants to do rather than me grabbing the bow and running to the nearest tree. Marriage is work, but the rewards are tremendous.
06-01-2005, 01:58 PM
Most people change a lot as individuals in there 20's. I had a few long term relationships before I found the right one. I don't think you can put a time frame on courting before marriage. However, I think the longer the better. What's the rush if you were meant to be together.
I had relationships fizzle after 2 and even 3 years (when I was in my 20's). People change, and like I said, you'll likely change a lot before you hit 30.
06-01-2005, 02:07 PM
I was in Ohio last fall fishing and I saw a black and white billboard that said simply:
"Loved the wedding. Now invite me to the marriage." -- God
It may have been the most profound billboard and marriage lesson I have ever seen.
Would I get married at 24? Probably not. I would, as some have suggested, move in with the girl first for a couple of years. Like someone said in an earlier post, there's going out with someone, and then there's living with someone. You will be amazed at how small tendencies and habits can lead to resentment very quickly. The key is that you have the personalities to cope with those things. If you don't (and you'll know very quickly) then your marriage would have been destined for disaster.
Marriage is not just about love - its about personality compatibility.
06-01-2005, 02:55 PM
You know why a divorce is so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
06-01-2005, 03:07 PM
I met my wife in school, started dating after we got out and married after that. I am 42 and will celebrate my 20th this year.
Its easy to stay together- both need to not be selfish and both need to give each other total respect at all times. In todays world people are way too self centered and care more about themselves then one another. Admit when you are wrong when you are, bite your lip before you say something you shouldnt say and treat each other with the respect and honor. If you do all of that then you will be as goofy as my wife and I are with each other.
RJ Montana unlogged
06-01-2005, 05:26 PM
So Terry, are you trying to tell us you've been married for 10 or 12 years?? couldn't resist...Rob J
RJ Montana unlogged
06-01-2005, 05:29 PM
Was married 16 years ago at the age of 25, that makes me 8 or 9 years older than T-Mac if my math is correct... If it feels right do it. We were together for 4 years prior to marriage. We had no doubts or questions when we planned the day.. Good luck, RJ in Montana..
06-01-2005, 05:31 PM
Well, I only have a few words of advice.
RUN, RUN FAST!
06-01-2005, 06:15 PM
1) I have never liked the word "love" because it seems impossible to define. I do very much understand "respect" and "appreciate" as in "I respect and appreciate you". It is my belief you can not love someone you do not respect. If you respect and appreciate the kind of person she is - then you're on to something.
2) Make your own decision. Don't listen to anybody else. Spend some time alone and look inside yourself. Make sure everybodies motives are pure.
3) Kids. If everything else looks good and you two want kids, my opinion is the sooner you get started the better. Also - if one of you doesn't want kids - you must say so loud and clear with no misunderstanding.
4) Money. If you decide to go ahead, learn from the get-go to live below your means. Avoid the temptation to run up credit cards and take on payments. In the beginning, it'll seem like you have a lot less than your friends. As time goes on however - you'll end up ahead. Start saving immediately. Max out 401K's, IRA's, etc wherever and wherever possible. The younger you start, the easier and better off you'll be. Buy your stuff used. Used cars, used TV's, used VCR's, furniture, etc. You'll need cash, but will pay way less and avoid taking on payments. Be frugal. Buy waders instead of a boat :-)
Don't buy stuff before you can afford it.
If she's the right one, consider yourself lucky to have found her this young. Trust your instincts. It's important so I'll say it again - trust your instincts!
Good luck with your decision. If you go ahead, do right by the young lady.
06-01-2005, 06:30 PM
i was 23.dated for 2 yrs.that was 39 yrs ago.still married to the same wonderful woman. wish you the same happness we have shared
be safe and good fishing glenn
I was 35 when i tie the not for the first time
06-01-2005, 07:53 PM
if I married the women that I felt were "the women of my dreams" I would have been married and divorced 6 times by now....instead it's only one of each. Don't be an idiot, stay single for a while.
06-01-2005, 07:54 PM
27 and 33 respectively.
06-01-2005, 10:04 PM
Don't go by anything but your own decisions you are the one that makes a marriage work not statistics.
A marriage is NOT 50-50 its 80-20,90-10 whatever it takes! If either are selfish it wont work!!i was married at 20 and she was 20 now we are 47 best 27 years of my life! sometimes its hard but its worth the work in the end. my anniversery is day after tomorrow and im going to celebrate the all that we have together (2 grown kids & a grand child due it september) IT DONT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!
I'll Pray for you to make the right decision.
06-01-2005, 10:15 PM
My wife and I knew and lived in sin LOL, sorry morality makers, for 15 yrs we had no need for it until it became the next thing, and nothing has changed between us, since having been together so long we have seen it through the best and worste, some people use marrage for all the wrong reasons and make it a captive situation, we have all the freedom that we need from each other, if she wants to do something go ahead, treat her as you would be treated, if the situation is not reciprical, cut your losses the dream is over, I'll tell you one thing about 2 yrs you know nothing, they change every day no kidding, and sooner or later you will see how she has some choices while yours are responsibilities, and that is all cool as long as in the long run you both benifit from her choices, good luck G you'll need it we all do.
Does her family have a pile of cash that will help but I would take a breath and give her a while longer
06-02-2005, 04:10 AM
06-02-2005, 04:22 AM
Just the fact that you are asking on here would make me say slow down, step back and re-evaluate. Obviously you are not real sure and that will just make more money for the divorce lawyers in the end.
06-02-2005, 07:22 AM
I can contribute a few comments. Second marriage here -- after my first one ended in divorce after 5 years. My second wife and I have been married for 27 years now and we are still going strong.
1.) The comments about waiting until you are 30+ are good advice. You will be a very different person at 30 than you are at 24. I was. So was my first wife. You will also be a better judge of people and their values than you are now. My first wife and I changed in very different directions and had very different values. We got married when I was 22 and she was 20. Had I met her at 27 (my age when we divorced) I would not have even liked her, and certainly not dated her.
2.) If you two have not talked seriously about marriage to this point, you need to start. The fact you have not means you are not communicating at the level which is required to make a marriage work. A marriage is 2 people functioning as a team about everything and communicating about everything. "Everything", period! Until you DO start communicating at a deeper level than you are now, you will not really know each other. That can (and in my first marriage DID) lead to some very nasty surprises.
3.) Identify by listening to her what she thinks are the 5 most important values her husband must bring to her marriage. Then think about whether you provide 4 of them because that is what makes 2 people compatible. Similarly, think about what are the 5 most important values your wife must bring to you for you to live a happy life. If she doesn't bring 4 of them, RUN!
4.) The changes that occur between the ages of 20 and 30 are changes in values driven by maturity and life experience. See point 3. Read it several times. That is why the advice people have given you about waiting until age 30 is very sound advice.
Good luck with your decision!
06-02-2005, 08:23 AM
I was 27 and my wife was 24. 4 kids and 24 years later.
Dreams and love are one thing but, as Jimmy Stewart would say,
"Do you like her". Do you like doing some of the same things
together or did she just take up fishing when you met? A friend
of mine married someone who was not interested in anything
outdoors until they met. After 30 years of her mother working
on her she didn't like anything they did again, divorce city.
Another question, do you get along with her mother? If not, give
it serious thought or be prepared for a lifetime of stress. :)
06-02-2005, 09:08 AM
I was 26 and my wife 23 when we were married. We've been together for 9 years, married for 5.
You will know when you have the right one. But you cannot tell the future. Life has it's ringers and you can't tell what will happen. Just be true, loyal, honest and compromise to each other.
06-02-2005, 10:49 AM
If my wife ever read this stuff...then, about now I'd probably say .."It just seems like it".
Married at 35. First, only, and still married. Single was more toys = happy life. Married is happy wife = happy life. Honestly, I probably would have more toys if single, but I am very happy to be married to my wife, wouldn't have it any other way.
We could offer you much better advice if you would post a picture of her boat. :rotflmao:
NOT LOGGED TIM S
06-02-2005, 02:38 PM
I GOT MARRIED WHEN I WAS 24. ALMOST 21 YEARS LATER MY RECCOMENDATION TO YOU WOULD BE TO PREPARE YOURSELF TO BE VERY FLEXIBLE WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU HAVE TO GIVE & TAKE.
06-02-2005, 06:25 PM
Married at 29, 13 good years to date still going strong never even had to raise my voice to her...Secret to a keeping it that way is have all your toys before you get hitched and tell yourself your money is hers and her money is hers...never any problems.
06-02-2005, 11:20 PM
Whoaaaa!!! I guess SAW just can't let go.
Seek help. I thought this was a forum for all ages. Classy words.
If you want to be divorced several times or live a lonely life, have the same attitude as SAW