RANGER
12-14-2001, 09:03 AM
> Subject: "Twas the Night Before Ramadan" by Mullah Mohammed Omar
>
>
>
> Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave; Not a creature was stirring, it felt like a grave.
>
> The turbans were hung by the firepit with care, In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.
>
> The soldiers were restless without any beds, While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
>
> Osama in his burkha and I in my goatskin cap, Had just settled down for a cold, barren winter's nap,
>
> When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter, I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
>
> Away from the racket I ran like a girl, Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.
>
> The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow, And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
>
> When, what to my one good eye should appear, But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear.
>
> And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push, I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
>
> More rapid than eagles his forces they came, And they whistled, and shouted, and called out our names;
>
> "Now Omar!* Osama!* Muhammad!* Abdul! We come for you now; we've taken Kabul! To the top of the cliffs!* To the back of their caves! When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"
>
> As the dry leaves that before the assault choppers fly, When they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
>
> So up to the ledge his forces they flew, With full magazines, and
> flame-throwers too.
>
> And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud, The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
>
> As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around, Osama was there, disguised in a gown.
>
> He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes, And he said he would flee while I held off his foes;
>
> A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack, He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"
>
> His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear; The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
>
> He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled, But a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.
>
> I watched with cold fear as his body did slump; The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
>
> And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed, About to suffer a fate I could not avoid;
>
> I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help, His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
>
> I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran, But you were too arrogant to understand,
>
>* I told you to honor your neighbors and wives; Not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
>
> You invoke My name to sanction your deeds, But you are the last thing that this world needs.
>
> And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to He11."
>
> The last words I heard, as the bombs fell, Were from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
>
> "One nation, under God, with liberty for all.
>
>
>
> Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave; Not a creature was stirring, it felt like a grave.
>
> The turbans were hung by the firepit with care, In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.
>
> The soldiers were restless without any beds, While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
>
> Osama in his burkha and I in my goatskin cap, Had just settled down for a cold, barren winter's nap,
>
> When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter, I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
>
> Away from the racket I ran like a girl, Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.
>
> The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow, And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
>
> When, what to my one good eye should appear, But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear.
>
> And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push, I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
>
> More rapid than eagles his forces they came, And they whistled, and shouted, and called out our names;
>
> "Now Omar!* Osama!* Muhammad!* Abdul! We come for you now; we've taken Kabul! To the top of the cliffs!* To the back of their caves! When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"
>
> As the dry leaves that before the assault choppers fly, When they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
>
> So up to the ledge his forces they flew, With full magazines, and
> flame-throwers too.
>
> And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud, The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
>
> As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around, Osama was there, disguised in a gown.
>
> He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes, And he said he would flee while I held off his foes;
>
> A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack, He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"
>
> His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear; The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
>
> He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled, But a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.
>
> I watched with cold fear as his body did slump; The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
>
> And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed, About to suffer a fate I could not avoid;
>
> I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help, His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
>
> I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran, But you were too arrogant to understand,
>
>* I told you to honor your neighbors and wives; Not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
>
> You invoke My name to sanction your deeds, But you are the last thing that this world needs.
>
> And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to He11."
>
> The last words I heard, as the bombs fell, Were from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
>
> "One nation, under God, with liberty for all.