Part 2 - "How to say it the right way without hurting feelings?"

[MN Bassfisher]

Thought I would give an update after all the replies I rec'd on to handle this situation.

I had listed and printed out a "boat rules" document. Contained info from all the replies read - replace equipment is lost or broken/damaged, pitch in for 50% bait, bring your own geqar/lures, etc...Apparently there was no problem. I was astonished that he didn't say word.

So, we head out this weekend. He called me to go, I did not call him. I re arranged the whole tackle box in the back of the boat. Actually, I used a smaller tackle box and left his lures and some bobbers and stuff in there.

In the first half hr, he says, "Hey - throw me a daredevil will ya".
I told him it would cost him $5. He saw me in my plano box with about 20 daredevils and said, "you have so many, just let me use one". This is when I knew the reason he never said anything about the boat rules, he didn't think I was serious. I let him use it and guess what, he didn't lose it....

Here is the clincher. I did not know it, but he went into my rod locker - and was using my Brand New spinning outfit I bought for the use of friends that cannot use baitcasters. We started to throw for some bass and I had a nice one on. Caught and released the fish and looked at him and he had this puzzled look on his face and then I looked at the rod - It was ***&&^%$#W BROKEN. An $80 rod - broken!
I did not say a word for a minute or 2 - then I simply said, "you know, that's an $80 rod - you owe me." He still didn't say anything.
We left after that and right before we got home, he said, "Well bud - I guess I owe ya a rod." I told him I would call Cabela's and check on the warranty as I sure they will take it back/exchange it.

Good news, Cabelas will exchange the rod. Better news - he now knows he can NEVER - EVER - touch anything of mine.

I told him I will set his lures aside for his tackle box and he has to get his own - Period! Maybe when he goes to buy his own lures and gear, he will understand how much this sport costs us. Maybe he won't buy any lures or gear and maybe I won't take him either.

Thank goodness this came to a head! I feel better and don't have to worry about my cash being depleted on every outing!

Thanks again!

[Sackett]

How'd he break the rod? Sounds like Martin Short in Pure Luck. Hope it all goes well from here on out. Later
Dan

[Jim McCullough]

MN,

Glad to hear things worked out! :)

[MN Bassfisher]

Who knows how he broke he rod? Perhaps an unorthodox method of fishing? It certaily doesn't help when you get weeds on your lure and your slapping the holy heck out of your rod and the lure in the water to get the weeds out!!

I have never seen anyone actually slap the rod in the water, have you?

[DarrenB]

Aauuggghh!!!! You're kidding?? This guy sounds like the fishing partner from #####. What is the deal, do you have Kramer from Seinfeld in your boat? Loses lures, chips in no money and now breaks your new rod!! How did he do that?

Good to hear that you stuck up for yourself and your equipment and hopefully things will be better from here on out. LIke you say, since he is expected to chip in now he make take greater care and caution with his own(or your) equipment.

[jyoung]

MN Bassfisherman,
I had the same type of situation a few years back, The guy would never drop a dime for anything and would break stuff on my boat.
I was new to boating and his was my fishing partner for years, So I didn't say anything, But than I met a new guy at work and went out with him and I was shocked that he wanted to pay for gas for the truck and boat, He paid the launch fee and bought me lunch. I couldn't believe it, He told me that that's the way your suppose to do things in somone elses boat.
Needless to say I informed my fishing partner of this fact and he was highly insulted, To make a long story short, I DON'T fish with my old partner anymore and I make it a point that when I'm on somone elses boat, I pick up the tab.
It's only fare.
Good hunting,Jeff<><

[MN Bassfisher]

Jeff - It is truly amazing how some people will just freeload. My situation is a little more difficult because he is my brother inlaw.

I have tried and tried to be the nice guy. But after hearing so many replies the first time around on my thread, I had to lay down some rules.

So I lay down the rules and what happens the very first time out - he breaks my new $80 rod and doesn't say a word. An apology would have been nice at the time - now I don't care. He either brings his own stuff or he doesn't come along.

I have had a few calls from some friends that want to go out and I know these guys will pick up a tab here or there, bring their own stuff or if they use my tackle and lose it or whatever, they will replace it.

Your new fishing partner is right...It is your boat, they are coming along - they should pay for something. Shoot, if he were to rent a boat - it would run about $65 for the day or so, right? In the long run , your partner is saving money by chipping in $5-10 for lunch or gas, right?

My brother inlaw just doesn't see it that way....In the last 2 years - and I am serious about this: He has lost tons of lures (at least 20-30, may have picked up or chipped in for bait maybe 5-10 times (we buy live bait every other outing and this can run anywhere from $5-12.00 an outing)...Hundreds of dollars went to live bait alone.
Never, once picked up a tab for lunch or for gas...I always drove before I had the boat and obviously I drive now because I do have the boat. He did manage to chip in a few bucks for gas on my boat. I laughed to myself becuase I was empty. We were going to MInnetonka and he literally put in $5 of gas in it. OK - $5 will last a bit - maybe it was the thought that counted. Never has bought any tools, Knipex, bobber, hooks, line, equipment, etc...I recall a trip to Cabela's last year. Purpose was to get some new lures/gear, etc...I walked out spending $300 on new gear and tackle. He spent $200 on a jacket. Huh??????

Knowing I have it all - He freeloads - Period!

[Mouskie]

Bassman: Leave your brother-in-law at home, Bassman. And take his wife fishing.

[Sponge]

Dude, glad things are taking a turn for the better! Now that he realizes you mean business, I foresee better days ahead; may take some time but it hopefully will get better. I've been there w/ a family member so I can relate...+ you did the right thing by trying to do it in a civil way. I can remember once over 30 yrs ago while riding to the river a rod being broke....we were in a buddies Moms' big old Pontiac...4 of us clowning around...a rod got broke + the ensuing battle in the front/back seat resulted in the car veering off the road, taking out a mailbox cluster + side swiping a tree...the incident damaged friendships for a good while afterwards not to mention the $$$ we all had to shell out for the "hay ride". I can't for the life of me remember the one new guy w/ us...he went to Nam shortly after that + we never saw him again; I still think about that day after all these yrs. Sorry to ramble but it's like it happened yesterday...fishing flashbacks!

[MN Bassfisher]

I had a long conversation with the wife last night. She agrees with what I am doing 100%.

I told her that I did not want to interupt her family times or realtionship with her sister because of "him". I told her, do realize how much money I have spent over the last 2 years on bait, lures and gas? She knows how much I have spent becasue she gets the receipts as she handles the finances.

She agrees with my decisions and tactics on this situation. Bring your own stuff or you do not go. And, do not take him out for awhile.

I'll fish alone, with other friends who want to go, or my other brother inlaw who all chip in and I have Fun fishing with. Key word is fun. If it was fun the last month, I would not be bickering as much as I have been.

You know, it all comes down to angler experience as well, not to mention common sense. He wants to fish for bass or Muskie in 30 feet of water right now. We all know that most are shallow and we concentrate on weeds, drop offs, etc..Have we caught anything in the last month in 30 feet of water, no. Have we caught fish or had follows in less than 10 feet of water - You bet. I managed to catch a nice Pike on the last outing in about a foot of water of the rocks. 13 pounds she weighed. What a battle! And to top all of this off, he has seriously scratched my boat with the anchor. I haven't broken down to buy a MinnKota powerwinch, so we manually crank it in. After getting all the mud off the anchor by swishing it from side to side, he is constantly banging it against the boat. I just went out to look at the boat this morning and I cannot believe all the scratches. Will have to see if my scratch remover will get some of this off.

Frustrated, but moving on to enjoy my fishing season and Good Luck to all of you this year!

[Ketamine]

When I read your first post on this thread I honestly thought you were kidding until I read the entire thing. I really hope this is the end and you have it all sorted out. I'm starting to actually feel sorry for the guy. Sounds crazy but think about it. All this has happened and he just now MIGHT be getting the hint. Glad to hear your wife understands.

Good luck,
Doug

[jyoung]

Bass man,
I'm sure that once you start fishing with other people and seeing how other fisherman respect your boat/gear and the fact that you are taking them out, You probably won't want to fish with your brother in-law and If you do still fish with him, I think that maybe he will figure out that you are not there to pay for his sport.
Good luck with what ever happens,Jeff<><

[MN Bassfisher]

Ya, you can only feel sorry for him. As you all said in Part 1 - he has been free loading. I had to put a stop to it.

Fished the other day with a friend, and a complete 360! Had fun - he bought some burgers for us and used his own gear! He appreciated I took him out (he mentioned this several times).

I had a blast!

[Sponge]

Burgers are just the beginning of your new fishing life dude....before you know it nothing short of an "upscale" resort 4 course meal will be your reward! ;)

[MN Bassfisher]

Update: Fished with my buddy this weekend and had a blast. Got 4 (32, 34,36, and 37).

As for brother inlaw, hasn't even called. Been over a week.
Thought he would have at least phoned to see if the rod was replaced that he broke? I think he is history for awhile.