Wife's Vacation time ****

[IAranger]

Here is the scenario:
Every year I take approximately 1/2 of my vacation time and
go fishing somewhere without wife and kids. This year my wife suggests that she have a weeks vacation to spend with her sisters having their own fun. I quickly agree that this is a good idea as I truly think she deserves it, I know how much a 2 yr old can wear you down ! All is fine till she mentions that she expects me to take that week off work to stay home with the kids so her trip can be worry free.
Is She Insane ???

[hgf]

Nope, she's getting even. And you better SMILE, and say yes honey!! Save up some $$ for babysitters during the day so you can work, and don't have to blow vacation time, and live with it. Believe me, it will pay off in the long run, and she will not complain when you take off with the guys! Having the dishes down and laundry done when she comes back is also a real good plan!!!!

[dan(or)]

No.

Unless she doesn't have equal rights in your marriage? She works as hard or harder than you do. On call 24 hours a day to both you and your child. As a father of two girls(16 & 18) there was no greater gift I could give (my stay at home by choice to raise kids right) my wife than to give her no kid, no husband, no worry time.

Just my opinion. I fished very little when they were 2 & 4. We lived right on the Mississippi with the dock out front with the boat tied to it. The only time I could get to myself was 4 - 6 am in the morning. Sounds like you get a whole week to fish?

dan
Out in Oregon land where the walleyes grow bigger and the Oregon Ducks should have been in the Rose Bowl!

[IAranger]

Thanks for the input
Guess I can tell from the lack of response this is not a subject many want to talk about ?

Jeff

[MK]

As far as judging her sanity, we'll leave that one up to you. As far as her wanting some time away from the kids, by all means yes. She deserves it. Expecting you to take a weeks vacation to stay home is something I'd have trouble with. If the two of you can't afford a sitter for the week while you work then I'd think about her postponing it until you can.

Maybe you can pay the ticket for a relative to come stay with you for the week to watch the kids during the day if the wife if nervous about a sitter. It might be a good time for Grandma to have some quality time with the kids.

In any case, most men are better suited to work for the week even if it means paying your whole weeks salary to have someone sit with the kids all day. Call it an insurance policy for your sanity.

[bob oh]

Jeff, Do you have time away from her and the kids, like a weeklong fishing trip with buddies. Who takes care of the kids and home then??

[CJHughes@Norstan.com]

This is what I would do , depending on your kids ages I would take the week off like she asked and take the kids to all of the local lakes close to home all week . Let the kids swim off of the back of the boat while you fish pack a lunch ,use plenty of sun screen and if the walleye aren't hitting fish for whitebass or something the kids can catch. I take my two youngest all the time 3 years old and 6 . When they get tired of fishing I let them swim or play with the fish in the livewell. I have caught some nice walleyes at the front of the boat when my kids are swimming at the back and you don't have to worry about someone crowding your spot with kids doing belly flops off of the back . Let her go , as long as the kids have lifejackets on they are safe. Stop and get ice cream on the way home everyday ,the kids will tell her what a good time they had without her and she won't go the next time her sister's ask . You have to learn to use fishing with the kids as more chances for you to be on the water . You should of see my 3 year old trying to net a five pound walleye .

[The Great Guide]

You don't say if she is a stay-at-home mom. If she works and you use daycare then I would suggest that you continue your normal arrrangement. If you don't normally use daycare then she has a point. If you don't want to stay home while she is gone, then schedule a fishing trip and take the kids along.

My wife doesn't fish and has no desire to. When my two kids were little, starting at ages 2-3 I took them fishing and camping all over northeren MN and southern Ontario. These trips continued until they were 16 - 17 when they started chasing the guys and girls and then went on to college. When they were along I just decided that this was a trip for the kids. We would fish for a time, then swim, hike around on islands and just gennerally explore. As they got older we fished more.

My daughted, now 25 and lives Nevada, was home for the holidays. Do you know what she, her brother(20) and I talked about more about than anything else? It was all those trips we took. I was suprised at how much detail they recalled about them. They both said they would like to try another trip this summer.

TGG

[exnj]

Not only is she not insane, she has made you a lucky guy. 1/2 your Vacation time on your own each year? Fourteen years and I've never taken a fishing vacation on my own. Her opinion is married folks shouldn't vacation separately. You are lucky. If I had a week each year to myself and she wanted to go ONCE, I'd be out of work and watching the 3 boys so fast. We'd go fishing either locally or go camping or whatever. Not to have her around bugging us guys would be great. Boys are 7,9, and 13 now and we get to fish every chance we get, as long as I take them with me, I'm good to go. I get one day trips to myself on occasion, but normally it's me and the boys. But a week, holy cow. I'm still dreaming of that day! The grass isn't always greener over here.

[IAranger]

Looks like things are leaning in favor of her way. I welcome the idea of her going as she is a stay at home mom and definitely deserves a break. I just think she is way out of bounds asking that I take a week's vacation to stay home to watch the kids. I like the idea of taking them and fishing locally but there is not much around within less than 100 miles. That is why I take a week to go elsewhere. The other twist is that if we take a week for family vacation which is already planned then what she is really asking is for me to give up my week so she can have hers. I really appreciate the input from everyone although I have been surprised I was planning on printing all thes and letting her read all the reasons that I should not spend that week of vacation here at home with the kids. The kids are 3 and 7 the 7yr old boy loves to fish and the 2 yr old will learn some this summer. Actually she will probably teach me this summer hahaha

Jeff

[JBL]

Actually I'm kind of surprised that you haven't gotten any cave man, tell her to go to h*ll, type of responses. I have a stay home wife, two young kids and I help out. One night a week the kids are ALL mine, the rest of the week I just help out with baths, food, bed, whatever, and 2-3 nights a month she goes over to her girlfriends or whatever for the evening and the kids stay with me. She complains a bit when I head into fishing-one-day-every-weekend mode, but overall it's not a major point of friction. I tell you this background so you know where I'm coming from, cause I'm going to support you on this. Your wife has to realize this arrangement means you can't have your ONCE a YEAR fishing trip. One week of heaven that you probably plan and think about for months in advance right? I think she should be able to go on her trip, but why can't you arrange some sort of day care for the kids while you are at work? Maybe a Grandmother, or other relative, church daycare or something like this could help you out? If your wife won't allow you to pursue a compromise along these lines, then I'd say part of her motivation is to deny you your fishing week. Is she usually resentful anyway when you head out for your annual fishing trip?

I take my 3 yr old daughter fishing, but not to Erie, which is my usual. I enjoy the time on the water with her, but it's satisfying in a much different way spending our time feeding ducks, catching panfish, swimming etc. At least until she gets older, I'm not spending an entire week doing it, doubt she would want to be out there for a week either. Good luck working this out Jeff.

[Dutchman]

I think it's good to spend time apart, like with seperate "short" vacations. This allows both of you to indulge yourselves without the worry of having your significant other not enjoying what your doing. I need to add this is great if the party's involve are indulging in a healthy activity. Getting drunk and chasing women is not a healthy activity, although IMHO having several beers and hanging out with your fishing buddies is :) . Point is let her have a good time wothout feeling guilty, get a sitter and enjoy a long marriage. Best of luck...


" Fishing is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope "

[IAranger]

Well I let my wife read all these and I think she was impressed with all of the diverse honesty from a bunch of fishermen. The issue however is still unresolved !

Thanks for all the great input !!!

Jeff

[John in MN]

I get to go on several 2-4 day trips hunting or fishing each year. She knows how important these activities are to me. Heck, I even went duck hunting on our 12-year anniversary last fall after giving her the chance to say no. We have our family vacation also. I have suggested several times to make arrangements with her girlfriends to go on trips and she has only taken me up on it once. It is not as difficult for me since she works also and our kids are in daycare.

If you can't work out any babysitters, maybe you can compromise and she be gone for 5 days instead of 7. That way you save a couple of days of vacation.

[Hawgeye]

I think JBL nailed it right on the head. There is always a way to compromise and the one not willing of compromising is the guilty party. You deserve your annual vacation but she also deserves a trip for herself. Instead of the week long trips you each plan to take, maybe take that vacation time around a Holiday and save a day of vacation or two.

The other option is to work at some other part time job between now and trip time and ask for some unpaid vacation if you have used up your vacation time. Usually empoloyers will allow that if you ask well enough in advance. Hey, they don't have to pay. The key for you financially would be to earn the money for that vacation time that you take where you would get no pay. This way you both get to go.

JBL expressed the point very well, I concur.