Let's get some humor going. It's cold and winding and I need something to laugh at.

[Don..SD]

Tell a good clean joke or let's have a good story. It's cold and crappy here in Sioux Falls

[Sunshine]

Question: What did the fish say when it ran into a cement wall.

Answer: dam

[AquaMan]

Fish easy, Live Long!

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing
pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the
sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the
afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach,
trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed
the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why
this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a
living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the
businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than
lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And
what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the
businessman's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still
smiling.

The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to
buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!"

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated
with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and
hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can
build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and
let all your employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman,
"Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will
never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the
rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset.
You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you
think I'm doing right now?"


AquaMan~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[erik]

Did you hear about the three guys floating around the ocean in the life boat after their ship had sunk?
One guy started to cry and shake saying he was going to miss his wife and kids terribly and he just hoped someday someone would find their bodies so they could at least be brought home for proper burials.
The second guy was praying over and over again for a search plane or boat or helicopter or anything to find them. He was sure they'd never be found
The third guy just sort of sat there unconcerned, working on his tan. The other two asked how he could be so carefree when they were sure to die. He replied, “I graduated from Concordia College, and a few years ago when business was good, I donated $100,000 to add onto the library, then last year I donated a million dollars for the new science center.

--I guarantee Concordia will find me.

[Roscoe]

Heard this one at a seminar from Keith Kavajecz.

Sven and Olie were going fishing for the week in Michigan's UP. They gassed up the boat and truck, bought nightcrawlers and leeches, a bunch of new rapalas and a couple new rods and reels. They went up to the lake and got a lodge overlooking the lake. They fished all week and never had a bite. Finally, on the last day Sven caught a nice walleye. He turned and said to Olie. "Olie we came all the way up here and bought gas, bait, tackle, and lodging and caught one fish. This fish cost us $650.00" Olie turned to Sven and said, "You're right Sven, it's a good thing we didn't catch two"!

[Eyemadman]

A girl from the hills comes home to her papa crying and says " Clarence,a guy from Maryland got me pregnant "! The father furiously says Ill take care of this Clarence. So he rounds up his boys and heads for Maryland. Well as soon as they cross the state line they come to a bridge. The father gets out of the truck and stares at the sign on the bridge, his son jumps out of the back of the truck and says what the ##### you doiing dad? The father replies, Son we have to go back and get more men for this here Clarence, the son stops and pauses, what do ya mean we need more men theres 4 of us here?. Looke there son on that sigh " Clearence 11'6.

[Roger Mayer]

Al, Tim and Ed were out fishing. Ed and Al have taken Tim out on his very first fishing trip. They were trolling for deep walleye using steel line. All of a sudden Tim yells out "I got one!" Al and Ed look at each other smiling.......Tim has got a snag. All of a sudden Tim goes over board with the rod and reel!. Al panics and tells Ed to swim after him. Ed says "Why me?" Al says "Because I can't swim!" So Ed jumps over the side and is under the water for quite some time. Finally Ed comes back up with the body and tells Al that he'll have to give mouth to mouth because Ed is out of breath. Al starts to give mouth to mouth. Al jumps up and says "Ed.....I can't do this.....he stinks to bad!!" Ed says "Hurry up Al he's gonna die!!!" Al tries again and says to Ed "Man! does he stink!!! I might puke!" Ed says "Hurry up Al he's gonna die!!!" Al continues for one more breath then ends up throwing up over the side of the boat. Ed gets excited and tells Al to hurry up! He's gonna die. Al takes a look at the body and says "..........Ed.....I don't remember Tim wearing a snowmobile suit..........."

I know......It's a sick one but I laughed pretty hard when I heard it!

Roger Mayer.

[Jeff]

Ole was relaxing by the fire while a blizzard howled outside. He reached for his snoose and almost cried when he found he was out.. Ole calls Sven on the hooter..."Sven, this is Ole across the lake. Would you have an extra tin of snoose I could borrow?" Sven says yah he's got extra so Ole says he'll send Lena right over.

Lena puts on her boots and overcoat and trudges across the lake to Sven's cabin. An hour and ten minutes later she is back with the borrowed snoose and half frozen to death.

Ole takes a big dip and the dials Sven on the phone. "Sven this is Ole... tanks for the snoose. I'll pay you back as soon as I git to town. I would have come myself for it so we could play cribbage, but I wasn't sure da ice was tick enough. Yah sure

[Gilligan]

Why don't sharks bite lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and alligator?
Litigator

[Speaking of Sharks,]

Didja hear the one about the Great White swimming through the ocean, eating floating piles of whale dung??

He just ate a lawyer, and was trying to get the taste out of his mouth!!!!

[Nofish]

Hey gang,

I love this one.......

Two long time partners were fishing a tournament one fine Saturday, as they always did. Jim was 25 and Mike was 55.

In their conversation, they got to talking about passing on and the topic of the after life.
Mike commented he sure loved being outdoors and taking in the beauty of God's green Earth. He also said he really hoped there was fishing in the next life.

Jim says he just wishes he could be sure there was fishing on the other side. And he really wants to know if there are tournaments, and also comments that he would love for Mike to be his partner for eternity.

The two made a pact. Whichever went first, he would try to come back and give the other verification of the after life and if there were tournaments.

It comes to pass that Mike becomes very sick. One Saturday, a day Jim and Mike were to fish a tournament, Mike calls Jim on the phone and asks him to come to the hospital and spend some time with him.

Jim jumps into his car and heads off to the hospital. Upon arrival, he finds Mike has passed on.

Years go by, then one very early Monday morning, Jim see's an incredible bright light comming from the garage window. He races down to the garage to find Mike sitting in his boat, looking no older than Jim remembered him.

Mike starts to explain to Jim, he has some good news and some bad news. The good news is there are fishing tournaments in heaven.

"What's the bad news?", Jim asked. Mike replied, "You're my partner on Saturday."

[chrism]

Hillbilly Joe and Clyde are driving opposite directions towards one another and by fate they collide and both are killed....Up to the Pearly gates they go...
St Peter is there and says to them "Boys, we only have room for one of you - so, we will have a contest...You must both come back in ten minutes with a poem and use the word Timbuktoo in your poem...."
Ten minutes later they return, and St Peter asks Clyde to go First:
"Over the hill and through the dale, I met my wife , Adeleu, whilt running free through the hills of Timbuktoo!"
St Peter pauses and says to Clyde" How beautiful! I think your in with a poem like that, but we have to listen to Hillbilly Joe. Ok Joe, let's hear it:"
Hillbilly Joe replies while scratching his head "Well, Aint much of a poet, but here goes... My friend Tim and I, a fishin we went..Came across these girls, they was in a tent. Them there was three, and us there was two. I bucked one and Timbuktoo!

[joe]

what do you call 1000 lawyers on the bottom of lake michigan,?

a good start!

[Jim K]

Why did the PETA member return the water skis that she received as a birthday gift? Because she couldn't find a steep enough lake!

[jimbo2]

Toivo and Eino were walking down the road when the noticed a nun walking their way. As she got closer they noticed that she had a broken leg. When she was near Toivo said, " Sister howd you beak dat leg?" , she said she had slipped getting in to the bat tub the other evening, but she was doing fine. They said their goodbyes, and further down the road Eino says to Toivo " what da heck is a bath tub anyways???" Toivo looks at him and says "How the hel! should I know, I'm not catholic!!"

[jimbo2]

Toivo and Eino were walking down the road when the noticed a nun walking their way. As she got closer they noticed that she had a broken leg. When she was near Toivo said, " Sister howd you beak dat leg?" , she said she had slipped getting in to the bat tub the other evening, but she was doing fine. They said their goodbyes, and further down the road Eino says to Toivo " what da heck is a bath tub anyways???" Toivo looks at him and says "How the hel! should I know, I'm not catholic!!"