View Full Version : 20 year old son won't go fishing.
The Great Guide
03-06-2002, 01:58 PM
I've got a 20 year old son that is too busy to take fishing trips with dad. We used to take 3 day trips to Canada regularly and always had a great time. He even said so. I expected he would start skipping some of the trips as he got older, but he told me he's not interested anymore and don't ask. Anyone else experienced this? What's a dad to do?
TGG
Give him time. There was a time when I was 17 or 18 when I was just too busy with friends to fish much. Eventually, if he really does love fishing, he'll come back to it. Just leave the invitation open to him to go whenever he wants, and one day, he'll just ask.
Eyez
stevefellegy
03-06-2002, 02:08 PM
Great advice. I have watched kids, many times, be turned off even more about fishing by pressuring them or insisting they go. You have gotten past the first, and most important hurdle. You introduced a kid to fishing....
Schnauzer
03-06-2002, 02:09 PM
Yep, time seems to be the only medicine for this problem. I was only marginally interested in fishing from about age 15-25. It is funny because I look at old photo albums now and I see those pictures of me water skiing and partying at the cabin with my friends, and all I can think of is "Man, I could have been fishing!" The good news is I think he'll come around. The bad news is it might take 5 or 10 years.
Pablo Escobar
03-06-2002, 02:22 PM
For starters, you must find his dope stash and flush it down the toilet. Then have him talk to someone who's been in prison for a non-violent drug offense. That'll cure 'em.
Fred S
03-06-2002, 02:23 PM
same situation here. My grandfather lived in Widsor and introduced me to fishing the Detroit River back in the 70's. Stopped fishing around 14 and started getting back into it around 24 or 25. Haven't been able to stop since, and that's all I ever think of. Give him time to do what teenagers and young adults do, he'll get back into it with you in time. Unlike most sports,golf and other activities, once you start fishing you almost always go back to it later in life.
Skillz
03-06-2002, 02:25 PM
26 years old. Maybe a different perspective will aid in this question...
There was a time not so long ago that I really didn't want to "hang with the ol' man". He just was not cool. Growing up, I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Got older, college came and went, as did the girls, booze, etc... At that time, I did not want to get up early and go fishing with my father at 6 in the morning because, well, I was being a college kid.... late nights, ladies, keggers, etc... Maybe the cause is not you, nor the actual fishing experience. Maybe it is just him "sowing his oats", doing things that were not allowed under your roof (if he is away at college) and fishing now (regretably) takes a backseat.
Advise? Relax and take a friend fishing with you. If he is anything like me, after college he will jump at the chance to go do battle with a big ol' eye. Even better, you can "guide" him not only to the fish, but in more pressing life endevours that he will face after college. Having been in the same seat not too long ago, I will tell you that I DID need the time away from my father to become me. Now I look at him with the pride and admiration that he deserves- and I am sure the same will be for you.
skz
Good Fishin'!!!!
Skillz
03-06-2002, 02:30 PM
I don't think it is right for you to lump those who want to take a break from it in with the drug offenders in prison. Not all people take breaks from fishing because they would rather smoke a bong or whatever. Believe it or not, college is hard work, and needs the time and effort. Further, their really isn't a whole lot of room in the dorms for fishing poles, tackle, boats, etc..
my $.02
skz
stevefellegy
03-06-2002, 02:30 PM
And that's the rest of the story....
You, sir, are the future of fishing. My wave beaten bod and brain are VERY proud of guys like you. Thank you....
Your not as cool any more, kids go through the stage of not wanting to hang out with the parents. When they get a little older they usually start going fishing with you again. I'm 30 now and I went through that stage.
Maumeemoon
03-06-2002, 02:31 PM
I agree with the previous posts about extending an always open invitation. I grew up fishing with my father and grandfather and when I was @ 17 I stopped going fishing with them because I was too busy with my new life i.e. college, girls, booze. However my father had extended an open invitation and when I was @ 21 I came back to my senses and called up gramps and dad and asked if they would like to go fishing with me. We went up to the upper Peninsula and had a great time, looking back, I can't believe I didn't fish for 3-4 years(I must have been insane!), but everyone needs their space from time to time, he'll snap out of it, just be patient.
sgtski
03-06-2002, 02:32 PM
Same thing here. Mine is almost 23 years old, and like most his age, he is concerned with the reality of what to do with his life. So, with working 70 hours per week plus going to school part time, he just doesn't have the time to spend fishing and hunting with his dad. But if your son enjoyed the experiences when he was younger, I'm betting he'll be back - with even more appreciation for the opportunity. Last week, when I asked my son what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, he asked that I pay for his annual fishing license. Be patient - He'll be back!
sgtski
eyebuster
03-06-2002, 02:39 PM
skillz,
Awesome post my friend, that was said with pride and compassion. I hope my son feels that way as he grows up. We spend every weekend in Oct. and Nov. in Michigan's great white north whitetail deer hunting, and we spend most of the spring, summer and early fall fishing for 'eyes' in the Detroit River, and Lake Erie. I'm waiting for that dredded day when he says "I'm to busy this weekend dad, sorry" He's 16 now and that day is just around the corner.
eyebuster
dave
Arkie eye jerker
03-06-2002, 02:43 PM
When I was younger my father told me to raise my kids the right way and show them the good things in life. He said they may stray from them, but they will always come back to the way they were raised. I think he was mostly refering to religion, but I have found with my children it has been true about most everything, even fishing.
Reminds me of the saying about the bird. If you love it set it free and if it returns it was meant to be.
I probably screwed that up! My memory is not what it used to be.
Ed Gray
I drifted away from fishing for a little while as a young adult. I gonna speak in generalizations here, so if some of this doesn't apply to your son, please don't take offence.
His life has changed a great deal in the past few years, while your life has changed too, he has gone through more change as he went through adolescence and is now an adult. Now he's ordering off the large menu of life and not just the one he's grown up with. Many new friends and new things to try off that menu. It doesn't neccesarily mean he doesn't like those things he once liked, just so much more to sample. Woman, maybe work and/or school leave less time for him. I was working fulltime at 20 and with only 2 weeks vacation, I really didn't want to spend them with my parents, even though I loved them.
Shorlty after, I moved out on my own and started at the University of Hard Knocks. I made just enough to get by and not much left at the end of the month. So, broke living on my own I started fishing again. Not fishing like we do now, only 2 poles, boatless, I'd hit the rivers. Fishing really is one of the cheapest forms of entertainment if you want it to be, of course, I think we know how to make it expensive when we choose to.
It seems we all go through stages in our lifetime. The stage when the world is only as big as our neighborhood, to the stage that he has entered, it's agreat big world out there full of choice. It's kinda like going to the same baitshop your entire life and then one day someone takes you to Cabelas, I just walked around in awe.
I think you got some good suggestions above about not pushing, I think he'll be back someday and I think some day he'll be calling you and saying "dad, heard the eyes are biting out at the lake, wanna go fishing". At that time you'll really see how he's come full circle.
Great topic, my 10 year old nephew is my fishing buddy and I know I'll be the same boat someday.
My two sons don't have time to fish with me but my daughter loves to. I also introduced my sons to motorcycles and a day on a NEBRASKA lake is a little too relaxing for them right now. Maybe when they get older. Everyones priorities change throughout their whole lives. Just hope that your kids are "into " anything that keeps them out of drugs, crime , or trouble. I had to adjust in order to spend more time with them. I had to break down and buy a Road King so we could ride together or sometimes we meet and golf after work. Be flexible..
Sluggo / NY
03-06-2002, 03:24 PM
TGG..I know what you're going through. I've got a 23 year old son who's hyperactive that I took fishing numerous times only to have him want to quit after a few hours on the water. We vacationed in Canada for years and that worked fine..I could take him out for a while, then we'd play ball or soccer for a while. By the time he reached 16 or so, he had no interest at all in fishing. He's now into his fifth year in the Navy and out at sea. We just got a call from him last week and while talking, he mentioned to me that he can't wait to get home and go out fishing with me! It must have taken an hour to get the smile off my face! As one of the previous post said..it sounds like you sure did it right so far. Now you have to sit back and wait..It'll happen! Good Luck & Good Fishing, Sluggo (Chris)
}> If it was me and 20 years old , I would reather look at girls
the a fish and that is what i thank your son is doing.
Husky
03-06-2002, 03:33 PM
Sib,
Well said. I too, drifted away from fishing for a while in my 20's. Later came back to it. As humans, we tend to drift a little , periodically leaving some activities by the wayside, and focusing on others. My 21 year old went through a 3-4 year period where fishing was just not as important as other things in life. He has since returned to this avocation. Now he is out west (for college) and cannot find anything but those wee tiny trout to fish for. He's now "into" fly fishing. As a fisherman I would sure like that he maintain his interest in fishing, but I realize he's his own person, and may go a different route. As a parent, I am happy he has chosen endeavors to participate in that are respectable, which the fishing/non fishing choice pale in comparison.
Wables
03-06-2002, 03:46 PM
Skillz,
I am also 26 and had to look at the author to make sure I didn't get up in the middle of the night and write your post! Very well put.
Wables
Blondes, brunettes, REDHEADS. At that age everything else comes in second place.
Got any nieces or nephews? neighbor kids? under privileged kids? kids from church?
Take someone from work who has never fished. Pass it on! Give them a gift they wil never forget.
CI_Guy
03-06-2002, 04:22 PM
I think it was Mark Twain that said "When I was 17 I couldn't believe how ignorant my father was. By the time I turned 22, I was amazed at how much the old man learned in just 5 years!".
He just needs a little time and distance to learn what his heart knows but his head has forgotten.
Pat K
CJHughes
03-06-2002, 05:28 PM
Yep , I have one right now he will turn 17 this weekend . He is fishing right now with his cousin ,they did ask me if I wanted to go but I said no even though I did want to . They need their space right now . I am lucky I have two more sons, one that is six and another that is three to take up the slack . Just think back when you were that age the last thing you wanted around was Dad . Your son will come back around give him some time. I quit asking mine and he started asking me again recently . Last Saturday I fished from 6;30 am until noon with my best friend ,I came home and my son and my friends grandson took the truck and boat back out to the same lake and fished till dark . Thank God my wife talked me into 4 kids , my two little boys think I am the greatest fisherman that ever lived , I don't know what gave them that idea !
TK_551
03-06-2002, 05:29 PM
I am 27 now and I went through the same phase. I always loved fishing with my dad but when I got in my high school/college years, it wasn't too "cool" to be hanging out with your parents. I would still fish every now and again but it wasn't until I turned about 22-23 and got my life situated (real job, etc.) that I began fishing again. Now, I fish with my dad just about every weekend and we have fished tournaments together as well. Just give your son some time and he will come around.
Tom
#551
My dad used to take me fishing when I was younger. When I got in high school, there was sports, girls, cars, and parties. I didn't have time for fishing. Then I graduated, and started working. Just 2 days before my 18th birthday, my dad died. I went in the service, then on to college, and got a real job.
When I as about 24, my brother asked me to take a trip to Canada. I went, more for the trip, than for the fishing. What a trip! We caught walleys and big pike. Had a great time. At some point early in the trip, I thought of my dad, and ached that he could be there with us. I think my brother felt the same way, although we didn't talk about it. I was once again hooked on fishing. Been doing it ever since.
I'm now 46, and to this day, whenever I'm on the water, I think of my dad, and that ache is still there.
Have patience. Be confident that you raised your son right, and that he is now finding his place in the world. Once he finds it, he will once again become your best fishing partner.
Tight Lines All,
Shep
College Kid
03-06-2002, 07:06 PM
I must be out of the ordinary. I'm 20 right now and I'm fishing my first two walleye tournaments this summer. Growing up my parents even encouraged me to take part in more "normal" teenage activities, but I wanted no part in that. I guess some people get bit by the bug harder than others.
drug bandit
03-06-2002, 07:10 PM
i think that marijuana is the #1 ambition killer in the world. check out his friends. see who he is hanging out with. as a 20 year old myself, i know what is going on these days with drugs, drinking, etc
even if he seems inocent. ask. i thought i was a perfect boy that never would do drugs. wrong. take it from me. please. it might be the best thing you ever did for him.
Rocketman
03-06-2002, 07:44 PM
"Tears to My Eyes"... no pun intended.
My dad didn't take me or any of my brothers fishing, must of been too busy trying to pay the bills for me and my 12 siblings.
But, I thank God everyday that my wifes dad took her. For she is the one who introduced ME to fishing. (I think sometimes she regrets letting the lion out of the cage)
I in return have taken our children fishing, and even though they are "not currently being seen with the old man", I am sure by reading some of these last posts, that I too will someday enjoy the company of my sons on a lake, pulling the "Eyes" into the boat.
Thanks for this post!!!!
I love you guys... I wish I could go fishing with all of you.
Brian
Brian Price
Goldpig
03-07-2002, 09:48 AM
Give him time. When I was growing up, my dad took me fishing every opportunity that he could. That being said, he was and is a diehard. We would go out early and come in late. I often lost interest over the course of the day, and even more over the course of the summer. I never got it! I didn't understand that fishing was about a lot more than catching fish. I didn't understand that it involved spending time with friends and family, and the memories that we could share. Also, like a previous post mentioned, I thought that my time was better spent chasing women, going to parties, ect.
I am now 25, and found a new appreciation for the sport over the last four years. I now cherish the opportunity to spend time with my dad in the boat. I realized that girls come and go, but that my father has been there through every up and down in my life without judgement. I had the opportunity to fish Wave Wackers with him last year, and despite finishing just out of the money, it was one of the most rewarding and memorable experiences of my life. I will be fishing the MWC this year w/ a brother and more team tournies w/ dad. And, I credit all of my enthusiasm towards fishing to my father, who never missed a chance to take me fishing!
goose pit
03-07-2002, 11:36 AM
I don't know where I would be in the outdoor world without the help of my dad. This is the man that taught me how to use lindy rigs for walleyes, hide in corn fields for honkers, and just about anything else. Anybody that knows me, knows that hunting/fishing is the most important thing in my life. Weather it's chasing walleyes, geese, ducks, bass, catfish, etc etc I love it all. Heck when I was in school my teachers were pumping me for info on what side of town the geese were heading out of, or if the walleyes were going on a certin lake. I guess I owe alot of knowldege to my dad. Thanks dad!
Sink'rSwim
03-07-2002, 12:26 PM
Yal, agree with most of the previous posts.. He's too busy right now with college, working, women, dope, beer, etc. Give him 5 to 10 years and he will come up to you and say "Dad, I would sure like to go fishing".
Now, you've got him... Pull a beer from the fridge; light up a doober, lean way back in your chair, scratching your crotch and tell him you are not interested....don't ever ask again....