Good Fish Joke!

[Sluggo / NY]

A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip, he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a #####!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" the priest said. "No, Father," replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son of a ##### fish!" "Really? Well help me land this Son of a #####!" chimed the priest. Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the biggest Son of a ##### I've ever seen" said the guide. "Yes, it is a big Son of a #####," replied the priest. "What should I do with it?" asked the priest. "Why eat it, of course," answered the guide. "You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a #####!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a ##### I caught!" the priest said. Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!" "It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a ##### fish!" "Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a #####?" asked Sister Mary. "Why, eat it of course," answered the priest. "The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a #####." The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a ##### for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a #####," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing, Sister Mary?" asked the Friar. "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a ##### for the Pope's dinner," replied Sister Mary. "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" asked the Friar. "No, no, no. It's called a Son of a ##### fish - really!" claimed Sister Mary. "Oh, well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a ##### can be the main course!" replied the Friar. "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a #####."

On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent. The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught the Son of a #####!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a #####!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief. And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a #####, using a special recipe!"

The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face, and he said, "You Sons of ##### are alright!"

[Arkie eye jerker]

Two Irishmen, know for their wonderful drinking
capacity, were adrift in a life boat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While
rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the
men stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed
the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the
castaways, a genie came forth. This particular
genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one
wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man
blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest
brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle
lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the
men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish
had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment,
he spoke. "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have
to pee in the boat!!!!!!

[Tommy Mac]

Gone Fishing

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able
to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off,
I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear a sweater."

[Ready for fishin']

An Atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw an 8-foot grizzly bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.
"OH MY GOD!..." he screamed.
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving... As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around. "You Deny My Existence For All These Years, Teach Others That I Don't Exist, And Even Credit Creation To Some Cosmic Accident. Do You Expect Me To Help You Out Of This Predicament? Am I To Count You As A Beliver?"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very Well." said The Voice. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed....and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."

[Greg P]

Here’s one for all of you to enjoy…


A college writing class was recently asked to write a short, precise essay containing the following subjects: Sex, religion, royalty(or politics), and mystery.

The winning essay went like this:
“My God!” said the queen, “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”