Eyez
04-17-2002, 10:27 AM
haven't seen this one floating around too much, so since wednesdays suck, and we all need to laugh, here you go. :)
SYMPTOM: Drink Fails to give satisfaction and taste. Shirt Front is Wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open while drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Bye another pint and practice in front of the mirror.
Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is
perfected.
SYMPTOM: Drink Fails to give satisfaction and taste. Glass is unusually pail
and clear.
FAULT: Glass is empty.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
SYMPTOM: Feet wet and cold.
FAULT: Glass is upside-down
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Turn glass other way up so open end is facing ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet wet and warm.
FAULT: Incorrect bladder control.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Go and stand next to the nearest dog, after a while,
complain to the dog's owner about the lack of house training and demand
another pint as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Bar Blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
SYMPTOM: Bar Swaying.
FAULT: Air turbulence is unusually high. May be due to darts match.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Insert Broom handle down back of jacket.
SYMPTOM: Bar Moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Find out if you are being taken to another pub, if not
complain loudly that you are being hijacked by the Salvation Army.
SYMPTOM: You notice the wall opposite is covered in ceiling tiles and strip
lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backwards.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
drinking arm..... Stay put.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of broken teeth
and dog ends.
FAULT: You have fallen over forwards.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: As for Backwards!!
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The bar is closing.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: PANIC!!!!
SYMPTOM: You wake up to find your bed, hard and wet. You can't see your
bedroom walls or ceiling.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Check your watch to check if it is opening time - if not
then treat yourself to a lie-in.
Eyez
SYMPTOM: Drink Fails to give satisfaction and taste. Shirt Front is Wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open while drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Bye another pint and practice in front of the mirror.
Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is
perfected.
SYMPTOM: Drink Fails to give satisfaction and taste. Glass is unusually pail
and clear.
FAULT: Glass is empty.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
SYMPTOM: Feet wet and cold.
FAULT: Glass is upside-down
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Turn glass other way up so open end is facing ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet wet and warm.
FAULT: Incorrect bladder control.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Go and stand next to the nearest dog, after a while,
complain to the dog's owner about the lack of house training and demand
another pint as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Bar Blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
SYMPTOM: Bar Swaying.
FAULT: Air turbulence is unusually high. May be due to darts match.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Insert Broom handle down back of jacket.
SYMPTOM: Bar Moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Find out if you are being taken to another pub, if not
complain loudly that you are being hijacked by the Salvation Army.
SYMPTOM: You notice the wall opposite is covered in ceiling tiles and strip
lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backwards.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
drinking arm..... Stay put.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of broken teeth
and dog ends.
FAULT: You have fallen over forwards.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: As for Backwards!!
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The bar is closing.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: PANIC!!!!
SYMPTOM: You wake up to find your bed, hard and wet. You can't see your
bedroom walls or ceiling.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION TO BE TAKEN: Check your watch to check if it is opening time - if not
then treat yourself to a lie-in.
Eyez