View Full Version : Difference of opinions
ezmarc
02-01-2001, 03:03 PM
Thought this might be appropriate after some of the discussions recently!
Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "This Place is filling up so fast, we've had to begin giving an entrance exam to get in. The test I have for you is only three questions.
1. What days of the week begin with the letter T?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name? "
St. Peter gives Forrest time to think the questions over. Soon, St. Peter says, "Tell me your answers. First, what days of the week begin with the letter T?
Forrest says, "Well, the first one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint said, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking of!Hummmm, but you do have a point. I'll give you credit for that answer." How about the next question? How many seconds in a year?"
Forrest answers, "Twelve."
St. Peter says, "Twelve? How could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forrest says, "Gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second.....".
St. Peter says, "I see your point. I'll give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
Forrest replied, Thats simple, it's "Andy".
St Peter says, "I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but how in the heaven's name did you came up with the name "Andy" as the first name of God?"
"That was the easiest one of all", Forrest replied. "I learned it from the song.....ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN......
The lesson: THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW; and just because another person doesn't see things the same way or understand the same way that you do, does not mean that their view is always wrong.
GO AWAY ICE
Juls_WI
02-01-2001, 03:11 PM
Good one ezmarc, I like it!
Juls
Frank from TBay
02-01-2001, 03:36 PM
How very true. Excellant story. I like stories that have the gates of heaven in them. I heard one about a lawyer in heaven a while back that I think was really good. Apparently the big guy gave him the special treatment, his own cook, executive golf membership and platinum card with no limit. Was Gods golf and fishing partner. Waited on hand and foot. Apparently some of the Clergy in the 3star condos got a little peaved at the big guy and asked why a lawyer was getting "The Treatment". God came back with this...I got tons of good people from all walks of life....thousands of clergy.The list goes on and on. But this is my first lawyer in 10,000 years. Who knows when I'll get another.
Good fishing: Frank
ezmarc
02-01-2001, 06:47 PM
Thanks for the chuckle Frank! Good one.
Have boat will travel
Backwater Eddy
02-01-2001, 07:01 PM
Thanks for the story, I like it.
Supports the theory that everything you need to know you lean in kindergarten doesn't it?
BE...><ND>
Doctor dies and goes to heaven. Long line of people waiting to get in. He heads for the head of the line. St. Peter cuts him off, tells him he is now in heaven and has to wait like anyone else. So he goes to the end.
Pretty soon he sees a guy in a white lab coat walking around, looking at the line, then going to the head, and getting right into heaven.
Steamed, he heads back up front. "What's the deal St. Peter" he asks. St. Peter looks at him, smiles and says " Oh that's all right. That was God, once in awhile he likes to dress up and play doctor."
vetspet(ind)
02-01-2001, 07:47 PM
bobby knight died...pete and paul met him at he pearly gates and told him they have a nice bungalow near a stream for him...as he gets to the door there is an IU welcome matt...he's impressed.. he steps inside ...notices the large picture window with an IU suncatcher in it...he hits the bathroom and there are IU engrave towels...he mentions to peter that even up in heaven they know about him....a little later he looks out the picture window and off in the distance sees this huge mansion and out of every window are purdue banners...each spire has purdue flags ...and the entire mansion is painted in black and gold...off goes bobby to find peter and paul...he angerly approaches them and asks why Gene keady gets the larger home in heaven...paul gently speaks to bobby and tells him that gene is not dead yet..."that's where God lives"...steve
Jerry
02-02-2001, 04:42 AM
What is the difference between a lawyer and a carp?
One is a bottem dwelling mud sucker and the othe is a fish.
Jerry
02-02-2001, 04:49 AM
What is the defference between a lawyer and a carp?
One is a bottem dwelling mud sucker and the other is a fish.
Jerry
02-02-2001, 04:49 AM
What is the defference between a lawyer and a carp?
One is a bottem dwelling mud sucker and the other is a fish.
Beaver
02-02-2001, 08:04 AM
Saint Peter is waiting at the pearly gates one day when a man shows up. "Can I help you?" he asks. "I want to go in." the man replies. "I only have one question. What`s your IQ?" Saint Peter asks. "215" the man says. "That`s pretty good." says Saint Peter. "I imagine you were a lawyer down there. Probably took advantage of some poor people. Sorry, you can`t come in."
Next guy shows up. "Your IQ?" Saint Peter asks. "235" the guy says. "Oh my. You must have been a doctor with brains like that. I bet you took advantage of people and scammed insurance companies. Sorry, you aren`t welcome here."
Another guy comes up. "Whats your IQ?" Saint Peter asks. "I think it`s about 12 or something like that." the man replies. "I only have one more question for you." Saint Peter says. "How many walleyes did you catch last year?"
ezmarc
02-02-2001, 08:41 AM
OUCH!
Have boat will travel
Nother guy comes up -- in answer to St Pete says his IQ is 3.
St Pete answers, "How 'bout them Packers, huh?"
TBO/MN
02-02-2001, 09:46 AM
Thanks, I think we needed that.
Good Fishin'
TBO/MN
Shame on me....
02-02-2001, 10:30 AM
Engaged couple die in an accident and find themselves at the pearly gates. They ask St. Peter if it is possible to marry in heaven by a priest since they are Catholic. He asks them to wait and walks off..........
3 weeks pass and they are still waiting......and starting to 2nd guess the marriage thing after remembering heaven is endless and everlasting. St. Peter returns to announce they can get married and he has a priest waiting inside the gate. Citing their concern about the possiblity of things not working out and the "forever" issue in heaven they ask if it is possible to divorce in heaven too if things go bad between them. St. Peter becomes furious and slams his clipboard down on the ground and hollers..."IT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIND A PRIEST UP HERE!!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT IS GOING TO TAKE ME TO FIND A LAWYER?????"
EyeBoy
02-02-2001, 10:38 AM
Outstanding posts!
How does one tell the difference between a road kill lawyer, and a road kill skunk?
There are tire skid marks in front of the skunk.....
ON-PLANE!!!TOM
MOeyez
02-02-2001, 12:30 PM
Heavenly humor from the archives...
Janet, Linda, and Alice went to the rodeo. Unfortunately, a big bull jumped the fence into the spectators and they were trampled.
Being good God fearing women, they ascended up to Heaven where
they were met at the gate by St. Peter...
He said, "Welcome to Heaven, ladies. I must warn you that we do
have our rules here in Heaven. If you break the rules, you will be
punished. One rule is, don't step on a duck. If you step on a
duck, the duck quacks, then they all quack and it just goes on and on."
That sounded simple enough. They passed through the Pearly Gates and there were ducks everywhere!
Soon, Janet was hurrying along and she stepped on a duck. The
duck quacked, then they all quacked, and it was a terrible racket and it just went on and on.
Pretty soon here came St. Peter and he had a homely little man
in tow. "I warned you that if you broke the rules you would be
punished." He chained the homely little man to Janet with a little short piece of chain and said, "You will be together forever," and walked away.
Sometime later Linda stepped on a duck. The duck quacked, then they all quacked and it was a terrible commotion that just went on and on.
Here came St. Peter with an even homelier little man. "I warned you that if you broke the rules you would be punished." He chained the homely little man to Linda with a little short piece of chain and said, "You will be together ever after," and walked away.
Well, Alice was very careful not to step on a duck. One day St. Peter came with a gorgeous hunk of man. He chained them together and said, "You will be together for eternity" and walked away.
Alice said, "Wow, I wonder what I did to deserve this?"
"I don't know about you," said the man, "but I stepped on a duck."
Fuzzy
02-02-2001, 02:02 PM
I couldn't disagree with you more....;-)
Just kidding - good thought to take into the weekend.
The devil had problem with the airconditioning in #####. He asks God to let him borrow the best engineer in heaven. God is feeling good that day, and sends his top notch engineer down.
Two weeks later, God calls down and asks the devil to send him back. The devil explains he would but the engineer has done such terrific job down there everyone loves him, he's got a nice suite, and doesn't want to come back. God is furious, and yells "I'm going to sue you!" Devil grins, and says "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"