Mac
02-23-2001, 07:03 PM
>If this has already been on here and I missed it I'm sorry for the repetition
>>
>
>Thought you'd get a chuckle out of this.
>
>DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
>
> December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow
>of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
>
>the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
>looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
>again. I love snow!
>
>December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
>covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
>be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
>
>I've ever had. Shoveled for the first
>time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
>
>sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the
>sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
>perfect life.
>
>December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>disappointment .My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
>
>a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
>have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
>
>again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad
>he's our neighbor.
>
>December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
>to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
>the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
>again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
>but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff
>and puff so.
>
>December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
>Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
>freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
>
>think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
>December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ##### on the ice in the
>driveway putting down salt. Hurt like #####. The wife laughed for an
>hour, which I think was very cruel.
>
>December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
>
>Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
>warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
>Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
>but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't
>believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
>
>December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the #####
>stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. ##### snowplow came
>by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're
>too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
>hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
>
>Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
>have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
>lying.
>
>December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
>inches of the white ##### fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
>melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
>shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
>dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
>plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too
>busy. I think the ##### is lying.
>
>December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
>wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
>she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
>she did but I think she's ##### well lying.
>
>December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
>Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
>son of a ##### who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow
>by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to
>finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an
>hour and throws snow all over where I've
>just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
>and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the ##### snowplow.
>
>December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the =3D@x@!x!x1 slop
>tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
>hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
>and I hit him over the head with my
>shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.
>If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
>kill her.
>
>December 26: Still snowed in. Why the ##### did I ever move here? It was
>all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>
>December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>
>December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE ##### is
>driving me crazy!!!
>
>December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
>could cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
>think I am?
>
>December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
>million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her
>mother . 9" predicted.
>
>December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
>January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
>keep giving me.
>
>>
>
>Thought you'd get a chuckle out of this.
>
>DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
>
> December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow
>of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
>
>the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
>looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
>again. I love snow!
>
>December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
>covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
>be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
>
>I've ever had. Shoveled for the first
>time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
>
>sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the
>sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
>perfect life.
>
>December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>disappointment .My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
>
>a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
>have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
>
>again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad
>he's our neighbor.
>
>December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
>to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
>the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
>again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
>but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff
>and puff so.
>
>December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
>Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
>freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
>
>think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
>December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ##### on the ice in the
>driveway putting down salt. Hurt like #####. The wife laughed for an
>hour, which I think was very cruel.
>
>December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
>
>Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
>warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
>Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
>but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't
>believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
>
>December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the #####
>stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. ##### snowplow came
>by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're
>too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
>hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
>
>Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
>have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
>lying.
>
>December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
>inches of the white ##### fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
>melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
>shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
>dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
>plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too
>busy. I think the ##### is lying.
>
>December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
>wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
>she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
>she did but I think she's ##### well lying.
>
>December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
>Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
>son of a ##### who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow
>by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to
>finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an
>hour and throws snow all over where I've
>just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
>and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the ##### snowplow.
>
>December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the =3D@x@!x!x1 slop
>tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
>hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
>and I hit him over the head with my
>shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.
>If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
>kill her.
>
>December 26: Still snowed in. Why the ##### did I ever move here? It was
>all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>
>December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>
>December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE ##### is
>driving me crazy!!!
>
>December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
>could cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
>think I am?
>
>December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
>million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her
>mother . 9" predicted.
>
>December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
>January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
>keep giving me.
>