You know you are Canadian when............

[CanEye]

>
> How to know if you're a Canadian:
>
> You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK"
>
> You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped
my
> poutine, on the chesterfield."
>
> You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
>
> You drink Pop, not Soda.
>
> You know that a Mickey and 2-4's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"
>
> You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for
> your holidays (not vacation), with good cigars and no Americans.
>
> You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway
>
> You drive on a highway, not a freeway
>
> You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
>
> You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
>
> You cried when you heard that "Mr. Dress Up" died.
>
> You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
>
> You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion &
> more, are Canadians.
>
> You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
>
> You know what a touque is.
>
> You design your halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
>
> You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced
> "Zed"
>
> Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6
> pages for hockey.
>
> You know that the four seasons means: winter, still winter, almost winter,
> and road work.
>
> You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
>
> You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
>
> You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan"
>
> You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."
>
> You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
>
> "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite
> than,"Huh?"
>
> You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your
> Canadian friends!!!!(and then you send them to your American friends just
> to confuse them...further) (easily done with their leader named after a
> short wild tree)
>
>
>

[Walizz 1]

That's a good one. As a frequent business visitor to Canada I understood some but not all. The folks in Ontario are a lot of fun and I always enjoy myself there. Now, can you do anything about those rude jerks in Quebec? Jeesh.

[tracker]

If I remember correctly when Free Trade was first introduced, we wanted to trade Quebec for Minnesota.

[Red Ruffandsore]

Actually that was Quebec and six cases of maple syrup for Minnesota.

Stay off the pipe...and don't forget to wipe.

Red

[Thumper]

The labels on the Maple Syrup would be in English and would go to Landry .....that way we could match the gift that English businessmen in Quebec gave Landry. (Canadian Joke)

[NateW]

At least then the Vikings would get a new stadium....the Metrodome isn't big enough for a CFL field!

[Todd_NE]

How about.... (I was tempted to say aboot, ja got me eh)

1. You call your walleye a pickerel
2. You know when someone asks for a smoke it might not be cigarette they are looking for.
3. You take a certain nightspot in Winnipeg for granted.
4. You can get pearl shad raps and don't understand the fuss
5. Seemingly everybody has stickers on their boat
6. You know a one lunger is a sled
7. You want to secede from Quebec a lot of the time
8. Monopoly $$ looks like a better deal (just a joke)
9. A van is the primary tow vehicle
10. Red Green ISN'T funny
11. E! Network and others like it don't have to worry about censors for Wild! on the Beach
12. Petro is sold by the sippy cup
13. The government sells you your beer
14. Where's the gravy on these fries?
15. Pass the vinegar
16. You hate to admit it, but you sorta root for NHL teams that used to call Canada home.
17. Chainsaws filled with vegetable oil make good butchering tools for Moose and Caribou
18. There is a pile of rocks and some painted rocks near a road
19. It's not really cold except for the NWT or Yukon
20. You get vacation points with your sippy cup of petro

I LOVE Canada. You guys and ladies are great! I know, we all wear camo, drive too big of boats and trucks, and don't get to smoke a decent cigar. Tis True.

Todd

[Teacher]

Cool things about Canada

Cool Things About Canada...

1. Lacrosse

2. Hockey

3. Basketball

4. The biggest flags ever seen at the Olympic closing ceremonies were Canadian (twice...and the second one was smuggled in against a rule that was made because of the first one)

5. Beer commercials

6. Much Music

7. Tim Hortons

8. In the war of 1812 we burned the White house and most of Washington

9. Canada has the largest French population in the world that never surrendered to Germany

10. Our "Civil war" was led by a drunken, insane William Lyon McKenzie

11. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little under an hour

12. The only person arrested and hanged after our civil war was an American mercenary who slept in and missed the whole fight, showing up just in time to get caught

13. The Hudson Bay company once owned 1/11th of the Earth's surface

14. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a grown human in less than three minutes

15. We wear socks with our sandals

16. We can out drink Americans

<http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/1011/back.jpg>

[Teacher]

You Know You're Canadian When...


You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

The mosquitoes have landing lights.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorrels.

You can play road hockey on skates.

You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

[River_eye]

The big flag was cool. It spent a good amount of time in the elementry school I went to in south winnipeg.

[Gary]

You know you're a Canadian in the U.S. when,

1. At a restaurant you ask for HP Sauce and you get a funny look.

2. At a bar you ask for a rye and coke and you get a funny look.

3. A dollar bill feels funny in your hands.

4. Can't tell the money denominations apart, end up tipping the waitress $50 U.S.

5. 60 mph seems slow compared to 100 kliks an hour.

6. You've got the accent.

7. If someone finds out you're a Canadian and they have relatives up there, they'll ask if you know them, while they live in Tuktoyaktuk and you're from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

8. And you're always asked "Why do you say "eh" at the end of everything?"

[CanEye]

Good ones Gary.....I'll add one Americans always seem to know you're from "Canada", don't know why but they do. The other interesting one is they usually never ask the province....just a generalization of "Canada". I was asking for directions in Minnesota to cross the border near Warroad and asked directions to "Manitoba". The girl at the gas bar looked at me with great interest and then got the manager. No idea. A customer came in he was asked and he said "Thats Canada". Oh Canada they said and gave me directions. For those of you that do not know Warroad is a town on the border pretty much with Mnaitoba.

[Wall-nut]

You know he's Canadian...
-When he pays $8.00 for a pack of cigarettes that smell like something that came out of a moose's anus.

-When, while you are cautiously negotiating a wilderness road at 30 mph, he passes your brand new, $30,000 4-wheel drive SUV like you were standing still, in his rusty old 1985 Toyota pickup, packed to the max with all his earthly possessions with a 4-wheeler in the bed, while towing a Princecraft boat.

-When, instead of a tackle box full of lures and ten rods & reels, all he's packing for fishing gear is a Zebco 202 and a pocketful of Mister Twister white rubber grubs and a cooler full of crawlers.

-When you ask him what season it is, only mentions one of two: Hockey Season or Fishing Season.

-When he asks you to if you'll trade one case of your Genny Light for two "two-fours" of his "Blue".

-When you ask him "What's for breakfast?" he responds: "Donuts."

-When you ask him for change for an American dollar he hands you a coffee can full of Loons.

-When you ask him what's the best thing for Black Flies he replies: "What Black Flies, eh?"

-And finally, when you ask him "Where's a good spot to fish?" he'll tell you: "Oh, dere everywhere."

And he's right, too.

Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[CanEye]

When he asks you to if you'll trade one case of your Genny Light for two "two-fours" of his "Blue".


The other way around I think on the beer.....Genny Light is not all that popular around here but Genny Ice is very poular. If a guy asks that with the beer he's an American masquerading as a Canadian. A two for one split for beer......good try fella.....you must be a Mutual Funds salesman. LOL

[Melonbob_ON]

On a similar note:

This is the transcript on an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10 - 10 - 95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT`S ONE - FIVE DEGREES NORTH. OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[Melonbob_ON]

Another little list:

Things Americans should know about Canada

1. After March, don't bother bringing skis...

2. Almost everywhere you go will have hydro....

3. We do not all speak french, Canada is probably the only country in the world where speaking french is not cool...

4. Provinces, not states.....and three territories....

5. We didn't invent hockey, we just made it better......

6. If an American team wins the Stanley Cup, we know it doesn't matter because all the players are Canadian. However, if a Canadian team wins the world series, we ignore the fact that they are all American....

7. If Don Cherry ran for Prime Minister, he would win...

8. Our second national anthem is the theme to Hockey Night in Canada

9. We have two TV Channels, Channel One is the CBC and it shows hockey games when the home team is in Canada, Channel Two is the CTV and it shows hockey games when the home team is in America, When there's no hockey, they broadcast cougar, bear and polar bear location reports -- so we know when it's safe to go outside.

10. Our clocks are metric, So are the calendars. Our money gonna go metric next year. The reason why Canada is bigger than the US is that we use kilometers instead of miles. See, there are 2.5 kilometers for every mile, so that automatically makes Canada two-and-a-half times bigger, eh!


Take is easy......~~q:

[Fishoil]

A lighthouse!! Great post, I almost fell off my chair laughing.

[greenharp]

You know you are canadian when your country is made fun of quite often on the television show "The Simpsons".
When your gym shoes are made by Sorel
When your main export is beer
When mentioning the word Loon you are referring to the bird not your idiot neighbor
When the Fans at a WWF event go wild for Edge and Christian, Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit
When you truly belive that your beer is stronger than US beer
When your country is refered to as America Jr. or America's attic
When your summer home is a cabin and your winter home is an icehut

[eyedoktr]

Wall-nut and Can-eye, where are you from? I live in Rochester,NY, the home of Genesee. I didn't know it was popular anywhere but here and Florida (ex-Rochesterians). p.s. I prefer Blue

[Hawgeye]

How about as an american and ask for canadian bacon for breakfast and you get "the look"?

[Red Ruffandsore]

THIS JUST IN........

American scientists discover that Canadian back bacon is just plain old ham !!!!!


Stay off the pipe...and don't forget to wipe.

Red

[CanEye]

Thunder Bay, Ontario.....LCBO outlets import lots of US beer. Its actually cheaper than the cans at the beer store sometimes. I'm familiar with it because at a boys weekend out one of the "boys" brought many cases. It went over very well actually.

[Steve]

I think you know you are canadian when you actually rewind the tire pressure hose at the gas station.

Steve B.

[rembrandt100]

Well I am a Canadian, that enjoys a sip of Bourbon over Canadian Rye. I think it has to do with the sweet rye, I seem to prefer the corn more. I heard that my favorite distiller set a river on fire last summer. Austin Nicol's seems to have had a storage facility catch on fire and the nectar somehow spilled into a local river setting it on fire also. Anyway my complaint is that the price of a 26 oz bottle went up last week by a buck a bottle. That is after a 0.75 increase earlier this year.

I have a place at Pointe-au-Baril on Georgain Bay near Parry Sound. I meet many people from MI, Ohio, Penn, New York, Vir. One of the regulars( 1st came with his father in the early 70S) Now comes with his wife and 4 kids. Says that it is cheaper than a theme park for one day in the states.

After 1/2 bottle tonight Wild Turkey barrel proof (It is my birthday) I read this thread.....I was really laughing out loud at some of the posts.....Great stuff.

Dave

[Rich]

The naval incident never happened.

See www.chinfo.navy.mil/navpalib/questions/litehuse.html or check out the www.truthorfiction.com site.

I know Canadians think we are a bunch of uneducated, crude, arrogant, narrow-minded, chauvinistic barbarians, and in a few cases you're correct, but please give our Navy the credit it deserves. I think most ship captains know the difference between a lighthouse and another vessel.