Hans
04-01-2001, 05:10 PM
Issued by the South Dakota Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors:
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Oasis. It's a
diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your
@$$.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Wall, Murdo, etc.)
or we will just have to kick your @$$.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Here it's called Pop.
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an @$$ kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are. We
are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us
as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your @$$.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here.
Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to
time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in
order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would
kick her @$$.
6) Don't laugh at our giant fibergl@$$ cows and our turtles made out
of car parts. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards
can't be bad. And in Rapid City don't point at the genitalia on the
giant plastic dinosaur or we'll kick your @$$.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
the ##### up. Just spend your money and get the ##### out of here or
we'll kick your @$$.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak medium rare
like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake!
Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your @$$.
9) Don't try to fake a Dakota accent. We don't have an accent. Do NOT
mention the movie "Fargo" because that WASN'T us. Such an action will
incite a riot and you will get your @$$ kicked.
> 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited big-city #####-holes like Detroit,
New York, and Minneapolis, and we have the scars to prove it. If you
don't like it here, Interstate 90 is ready when you are. Move your
@$$ on home before it gets kicked.
11) Don't complain that South Dakota is flat and that there aren't
enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your @$$
all the way back to Milwaukee.
12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around
our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some
manners into your @$$ just like they did ours.
13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the
prairie? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our
fresh air and we'll kick your @$$.
14) Writing it "Sue Falls" is NOT a joke. Your @$$ will be kicked.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how
the prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your @$$
shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will
go home in a pine box. Minus your @$$.
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Oasis. It's a
diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your
@$$.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Wall, Murdo, etc.)
or we will just have to kick your @$$.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Here it's called Pop.
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an @$$ kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are. We
are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us
as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your @$$.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here.
Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to
time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in
order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would
kick her @$$.
6) Don't laugh at our giant fibergl@$$ cows and our turtles made out
of car parts. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards
can't be bad. And in Rapid City don't point at the genitalia on the
giant plastic dinosaur or we'll kick your @$$.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
the ##### up. Just spend your money and get the ##### out of here or
we'll kick your @$$.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak medium rare
like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake!
Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your @$$.
9) Don't try to fake a Dakota accent. We don't have an accent. Do NOT
mention the movie "Fargo" because that WASN'T us. Such an action will
incite a riot and you will get your @$$ kicked.
> 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited big-city #####-holes like Detroit,
New York, and Minneapolis, and we have the scars to prove it. If you
don't like it here, Interstate 90 is ready when you are. Move your
@$$ on home before it gets kicked.
11) Don't complain that South Dakota is flat and that there aren't
enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your @$$
all the way back to Milwaukee.
12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around
our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some
manners into your @$$ just like they did ours.
13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the
prairie? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy,
smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our
fresh air and we'll kick your @$$.
14) Writing it "Sue Falls" is NOT a joke. Your @$$ will be kicked.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how
the prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your @$$
shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will
go home in a pine box. Minus your @$$.