R.I.P.
04-04-2001, 06:51 AM
I thought this was oddly appropriate with the "cabin fever" bashing that has gone on. Water is near!!!!!!!!!
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by
the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from
heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No
one really knows how old he was since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service
in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and
offices, helping folks get jobs done without
fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty
rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no
power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when
to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets
the worm, and life isn't always fair. Common
Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn), reliable
parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great
Depression, and the Technological Revolution,
Common Sense survived cultural and educational
trends including feminism, body piercing, whole
language and "new math."
But his health declined when he became infected
with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it"
virus. In recent decades his waning strength
proved no match for the ravages of overbearing
federal regulation. He watched in pain as good
people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and
enlightened auditors. His health rapidly
deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented
zero tolerance policies, reports of six year old
boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even
further when schools had to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student but cannot
inform the parent when the female student is
pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as
the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches
became businesses, criminals received better
treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck
their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to
professional sports. As the end neared, Common
Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments, regarding questionable
regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets,
"smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws
and mandatory air bags. Finally when told that
the homeowners association restricted exterior
furniture only to that which enhanced property
values, he breathed his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his
daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights,
Tolerance and Whiner. Not many attended his
funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by
the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from
heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No
one really knows how old he was since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service
in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and
offices, helping folks get jobs done without
fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty
rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no
power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when
to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets
the worm, and life isn't always fair. Common
Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn), reliable
parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great
Depression, and the Technological Revolution,
Common Sense survived cultural and educational
trends including feminism, body piercing, whole
language and "new math."
But his health declined when he became infected
with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it"
virus. In recent decades his waning strength
proved no match for the ravages of overbearing
federal regulation. He watched in pain as good
people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and
enlightened auditors. His health rapidly
deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented
zero tolerance policies, reports of six year old
boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even
further when schools had to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student but cannot
inform the parent when the female student is
pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as
the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches
became businesses, criminals received better
treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck
their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to
professional sports. As the end neared, Common
Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments, regarding questionable
regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets,
"smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws
and mandatory air bags. Finally when told that
the homeowners association restricted exterior
furniture only to that which enhanced property
values, he breathed his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his
daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights,
Tolerance and Whiner. Not many attended his
funeral because so few realized he was gone.