Verbal agreements

[johnboat]

My experience with estate matters has been, when people are left out, there is usually a reason.

Tough deal for sure.

I wish you the best on your decision.

[CI_Guy]

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

I sense some animosity toward your sister regarding being paid to care for your father. Providing care for an elder is hard work and it's really too bad you feel that way, as I perceive it.

I also perceive the OP as having no clue on the time and energy involved in helping a an aging parent stay in their home. Just making Dr. appointments and transporting them to the appointments takes a lot of time & effort. 2 of my sisters and myself provided care for my mother for a few years while my other sister that lived 200 miles away couldn't help. My mother set up an account for the three of us that helped care for her. No one asked for her to do it but everyone was fine with the arrangement.
Now my wife's father is being cared for by one of his daughters. My wife having seen what's involved is more than fine with her sister being compensated for this but her other sisters that are doing very little think this is unfair.

[Baseline]

I sold a couple vehicles and a boat on a verbal agreement which fell though. Verbal and even written financial agreements are not done until the cash is in the hand or hands it is promised to.

Even written agreements can be contested and sometimes it isn't worth the $$$ it takes to enforce them. If your sister doesn't want to hand over the $25K she agreed to do she doesn't have to. Your decision now "Is another $6,250 going to each party worth the "PIA" to try to force her or the bad feelings in may cause.

[gbin]

Very sorry for the loss of your father!

I wouldn't break a family apart over something like unequal inheritance, least of all when one is talking about modest differences, but I have seen it happen numerous times. I've even seen siblings who were close before the death of a parent become permanently estranged thereafter by a fight over some particularly prized family possession. It's like a kind of terrible multiplier: First they had to suffer a loss from death, then one or more losses from greed/envy.

When my mother died, my siblings and I paid careful attention to the distribution of the inheritance - but in our case it was to make sure none took too little, not to stop any from taking too much. I feel very fortunate that we were raised to value love much more highly than money or other material goods and that the lesson stuck with all of us.

I understand someone leaving more inheritance to this person than that one because of special circumstances (e.g. because one provided more adult care, has greater financial needs or whatever), but in such a case I think the person leaving the inheritance should make an effort while still alive to clarify why they're doing that, either by talking with their heirs before their death or laying it all out in the will for their heirs to read after their death. Leaving their reasoning for such a thing unexplained just invites confusion and the possibility of hard feelings among those they leave behind, in my opinion. Unfortunately, a lot of people get weird about talking about money, even with those to whom they're closest such as their kids

And I strongly think it's a bad idea for a parent to leave more to this child than to that one because of how close they felt to or how much they liked the respective children; seems to me a way to try to pass on meanspiritedness as well as money. (Unless one of the kids was a bona fide bad seed, e.g. tried to rob the parent or murder a sibling, tortures small animals for fun, that sort of thing.)

Gerry

[Jack G]

Originally Posted by muskyed

Really sorry to hear about your father. Times like these, make me glad I was the only child when my mom passed.i did have two sons that I shared with though, as I knew that's what she would have wanted, and what I felt was right Also, as my mom was not capable of making any end of life decisions later in her life. Word of mouth, on something like this would never hold up in court. Your dad's wishes were for the two of you to share, and as to your other two siblings, if he didn't let you know why he came up with that decision, I would respect that, and not be upset at your sister. It was your dad's money to give as he wished, and to exclude two of his children, he must have had a very good reason for it. Your portion is now yours to do with as you wish, if you feel the need to share, that is your decision now.

I also believe this is the best advice. Your father had the will and trust drawn up as he wished. I would believe in carrying out his specified wishes.

Jack

[Anonymouse]

Condolences for your loss.

As a sometimes "Country Lawyer", Anonymouse does have some legal expertise.
(A bit of formal legal training in college & 50 out of 51 cases won in court - several against high-dollar corporate attorneys and a few criminal cases as well, if that's any sort of street cred.)

There are 4 "Elements" that must be present to have a legally binding contract.
Verbal agreements are different from verbal contracts.
One has "legal standing", the other does not.
The elements of a contract set forth below are applicable for both oral and written contracts - however, certain types of contracts are required by law to be in written form.
For a contract (oral or written) to be valid in almost all jurisdictions, all 4 criteria must be met;

1. Offer
This is the first step towards a contract. One party makes an offer to perform a service, sell a product, trade, or conduct some other business venture.
An offer is valid so long as it is serious (i.e. not said in jest), and has not been revoked by the offeror (i.e. “I hereby withdraw my offer”).

2. Acceptance
The party to whom the offer was made must now agree to the terms of the original offer.
Any conditional acceptance or inclusion of additional terms is called a counter-offer.
A counter-offer is in effect a rejection of the original offer, and it starts the contract formation process all over again.
Just like for an offer, an acceptance must also be serious.

These two elements can be summed up as "a meeting of the minds".
Oral contracts are sometimes a bit clouded by peeps memories or recall, in cases of a contested oral contract -, but if there is essentially no disagreement the oral contract is valid, even if there are minor discrepancies involved.
Since your sister now disagrees with her earlier agreement, there is no "meeting of the minds".

3. Consideration
Contracts are not binding unless something of value is exchanged.
Consideration can be in the form of money, a promise to perform an act or refrain from acting, or it can be for some other item of value.
The element of consideration is the whole purpose for entering into a contract.
For the element of consideration, both parties must have some obligation under the contract; for example, one party pays and the other party performs.

There must be a clear statement of conditions.
There must be remuneration offered in exchange.
This can be as little as a token $1 or even a promise to reciprocate something in the future - also known as "Good Will".
You and your sister had a CONVERSATION, in which she decided to agree with a plan you laid forth - IN THE MOMENT.
Unfortunately "in the moment" is not a legally binding concept.
Nor did you apparently offer her any sort of remuneration for her acceptance of your plan - other than ethereal "good familial relations", which is a nebulous item of exchange even in the best of circumstances because it's so ill-defined.

4. Capacity
Each party must reasonably assume that the other party has both the legal right and the ability to fulfill their end of a contract.
They must also be able to fully comprehend at the time of agreement what their obligations will be.
For example, an intoxicated person (with some exceptions) or a minor (with some exceptions) lack the capacity to enter into an agreement because they do not fully understand the obligations that they are undertaking.

Also generally required is that the agreement must be signed and dated by both parties.
Obviously this isn't rigorously applied in oral contracts, though a showing of good faith - i.e. earnest monies paid or a commitment to future reciprocal action - and the sworn date of said verbal contract is acceptable.
You have met NONE of the above conditions.
Ergo, you do NOT have an oral contract.
Irrespective of familial entanglements & repercussions rebounding from her change of heart, her past agreement is simply unenforceable in a court of law.

Besides, have you never been told that women have a right to change their minds?
It's more than just "a saying" - they do it quite frequently and any man of worldly experience should have suspected it probably would happen eventually, once she had a little time to think about what the cost vs benefit calculations would make more clear to her, away from the spirit of agreement, "in the moment" - or "at the time of agreement"- the "Capacity" issue, looming large here.

Dude, it's only money.
Recently deceased bipolar B-I-L was "Prince Charles" in M-I-L's view and could do no wrong, so he was the original sole inheritor in the will documents we signed as a witnesses to, a long time ago.
We wrote off any share of the inheritance more than 30 years ago.
(It's a substantial estate, including a condo, silver bullion, and cash.)
Anonymouse's S-I-L has taken care of the M-I-L for years, relieving us of the burden and a several hundred mile each way drive even if we were so inclined to do thingys for a woman who hates Anonymouse's guts because her non-preferred daughter married someone NOT born rich.
(She's English and SUPER "class-conscious".)
The S-I-L, as Executor, is welcome to it all, now that the preferred heir is out of the way.
Trust, given the M-I-L's temperament, she's EARNED it.

[Chequamegon]

Originally Posted by walteye

I appreciate the answers I received in regards to my dilemma. My sister and I discussed the sharing of the money with the other siblings and we had agreed to be all inclusive. I just found out this morning that there was another CD she forgot tell me about that she was the sole beneficiary. She would not allow me access to savings and trust accounts that she had power of attorney of-telling me " Nothing to see here".
But it is what it is. I will share my portion as I promised.
Walteye

Looks like you've made up your mind on how to proceed and in my opinion, that is the way to go. Not worth a family squabble to circumvent your father's original intent. Amid all the other discussion there is another thing to consider. Should you decide to pursue the verbal agreement you'll need to involve attorneys. Perhaps little chance you will be able to talk your sister into changing her mind without lawyers involved. By the time you get done paying attorney and other legal fees how much will be left to split between you and your other siblings? Lawyers aren't cheap.

[hgf]

This brings up memories from many years of practice. Example 1. Older lady says to me, "It's all taken care of, you won't need to do anything when I die. I have 3 CDs of 100K each, I put each child on one, all equal when I die." Me "OK, but if you go to the nursing home, and son has to cash one CD, which one will he cash in, his own or his sister?" Her "Hmm, didn't think of that."
Example 2. Client comes in, wants to transfer house to kids so nursing home doesn't get it. Me "One of your kids might get a divorce, or get sued, are the other ones going to buy out his share? And, you bought this house 40 years for 20K, now its work 200K, if you die, kids are going to pay lots of capital gains taxes. But if you leave it in your name, you die, kids won't pay any income taxes."
Client "Hmm, maybe I'll take my odds on the nursing home." I've got lots more examples!
Lessons: Have a will that's clear, pretty cheap insurance compared to other alternatives. No matter what the will says, names on the bank account trump whatever the will says. If you want to avoid probate, do a living will, it costs more now but saves fees later on. Always consider the tax issues.

[Dave Watkins]

Originally Posted by hgf

This brings up memories from many years of practice. Example 1. Older lady says to me, "It's all taken care of, you won't need to do anything when I die. I have 3 CDs of 100K each, I put each child on one, all equal when I die." Me "OK, but if you go to the nursing home, and son has to cash one CD, which one will he cash in, his own or his sister?" Her "Hmm, didn't think of that."
Example 2. Client comes in, wants to transfer house to kids so nursing home doesn't get it. Me "One of your kids might get a divorce, or get sued, are the other ones going to buy out his share? And, you bought this house 40 years for 20K, now its work 200K, if you die, kids are going to pay lots of capital gains taxes. But if you leave it in your name, you die, kids won't pay any income taxes."
Client "Hmm, maybe I'll take my odds on the nursing home." I've got lots more examples!
Lessons: Have a will that's clear, pretty cheap insurance compared to other alternatives. No matter what the will says, names on the bank account trump whatever the will says. If you want to avoid probate, do a living will, it costs more now but saves fees later on. Always consider the tax issues.

This is great advice. Thank You